


Cold Blood and Dead Hearts

by StarScreamLoki



Category: Loki - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dark Loki (Marvel), Dubious Consent, F/M, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki gets what he wants, Loss of Control, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, even if he hurts others, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarScreamLoki/pseuds/StarScreamLoki
Summary: Instead of being thrown into the dungeons after Loki’s crimes against Midgard, he is exiled to Jotunheim. Destiny makes him cross paths with a  mortal, but Loki is utterly lost and he hurts the mortal in multiple ways due to things beyond his control. Will she make him find his way or will he remain forever lost?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> @elenielwen asked me if I could write a smutty one-shot where Loki is on Jotunheim and he is unstable after discovering his true heritage, taking it out on the OC while his magic - and he himself - spiral out of control, ravishing and thus hurting the OC. The ending didn’t need to be happy as long as this entire fic would be topped of with loads and loads of angst.  
> Inspired with the request (did I just hear Dark!Jotun!Loki?) and with this drabble in mind and as guideline, I started to write. But as I started to write I quickly figured this wouldn’t be a one-shot but a multi-chap with loooong chapters (of course, I would be able to write something short *rolls eyes*). So here we are; one dark, Jotun Loki that loses control more than once, in a fic that will turn out smutty with dub-con and non-con, topped of with my trademark angst!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @elenielwen asked me if I could write a smutty one-shot where Loki is on Jotunheim and he is unstable after discovering his true heritage, taking it out on the OC while his magic - and he himself - spiral out of control, ravishing and thus hurting the OC. The ending didn’t need to be happy as long as this entire fic would be topped of with loads and loads of angst.  
> Inspired with the request (did I just hear Dark!Jotun!Loki?) and with this drabble in mind and as guideline, I started to write. But as I started to write I quickly figured this wouldn’t be a one-shot but a multi-chap with loooong chapters (of course, I would be able to write something short *rolls eyes*). So here we are; one dark, Jotun Loki that loses control more than once, in a fic that will turn out smutty with dub-con and non-con, topped of with my trademark angst!

“No, five more minutes,” I mumbled as someone nudged my shoulder and I felt myself fall back into the darkness of blissful sleep.

Again someone nudged me, this time it was rougher and with something hard that pressed against my ribs.

Still drowsy I tried to push away the hard object that pressed against me, my hands swatting at whatever it was, until I felt something that should be familiar but my brain wasn’t awake enough to catch on yet. I mumbled some incoherent words while the nudging went on except that it became more painful with the second as the hard something pushed more persistent against my ribcage.

“Wake up Mortal!” a dark voice barked at me and I tried to swim through the drowsiness of my sleep.

“Okay, okay,” I mumbled annoyed and swatted at the hard something again.

Slowly I opened my eyes and it took a few seconds before I could focus and register the world around me. I pushed at the object nudging my ribs and then I saw it was a boot. And that boot was attached to a leg. Well, that was weird, nobody ever woke me like that.

Slowly I looked up those legs, clad in black leather adorned with golden metal squares on the thigh. Leather flaps in the colors green and black swirled around those legs and were attached to a leather coat made of the same colors, decorated with various golden pieces of metal.

Suddenly the person bend down, his face coming closer to mine, red eyes filled with malice staring at me, ridged markings standing out on a blue skin, his face framed with raven black hair and a smile on his lips that looked like a promise of death.

For a moment I was stricken numb because I couldn’t believe what was staring at me, it couldn’t be real, but then I screamed, drowning whatever words were falling from his blue lips.

I tried to scramble away from him but my back hit something cold, my fingers curling into something soft and hairy which I hadn’t expected, and I screamed again. Fright took hold of my heart and I felt my brain kick itself in survival mode as I tried to scramble away from the alien and the cold and hairy surfuce on which I was.

I didn’t get far as the man reached out with a blue hand, fingernails long and black, and clamped it around my throat sealing of my airway, and pulled me close to his face, my body partly becoming airborne. On instinct I squeezed my eyes shut and averted my head.

“Stop screaming Mortal!” he said to me through gritted teeth and roughly let go of me and I stumbled back to the hairy surface, landing hard on the hard floor that was underneath the hairy thing.

It was only now that I heard something piercing and ringing in my ears and his words seeped through in my fear riddled brain. With a clack I closed my jaws, cutting of the endless scream that had been falling from my lips for probably quite some time and I felt the burning rawness from my screaming in my throat.

The man smirked a wicked grin at me and my heart raced in my chest, my breathing heavy and the cold soothed my raw throat a little.

Cold?

I looked around, my eyes wide as if I was a deer in the headlights - which was how I felt quite frankly - and noticed the ice around me. Light coming from somewhere bounced of the surface, giving the place an eerie but beautiful look and I figured I was in some sort of ice-cavern. I looked down at the hairy surface beneath my fingers and noticed that I was sitting on a pile of brown and white furs, their hairs pricking my skin.

The adrenaline that had been running through my veins wore off and I started to shiver, the cold hooking on my flesh and sending goosebumps across my skin, my teeth clattering.

I looked up at the man, and the fear that had momentarily left my heart and had been exchanged with curiosity, found its way back. I tried to say something but nothing but squealing sounds emerged from my throat.

He scoffed and turned around, his back to me and it was in that moment my brain decided this would be a good moment to get up and run. I felt my limbs comply to the demand of my brain, the adrenaline back and heating my system, and I bolted away.

I didn’t know where I was aiming for but I was sure I had spotted something of an exit and I ran at it, taking my chances.

I didn’t get far however as the man was upon me within seconds, grabbed me by the neck and dragged me back to the pile of furs while I tried to kick and scratch at his arms, incoherent screaming boosted by fright ripping from my throat. Roughly he threw me back on the pile and I landed on my back. Hard!

He bend down again, those red orbs fixing my eyes. “Stop screaming or I’ll give you something to scream,” he threatened and I whimpered.

I tried to prop myself up on my elbows but a pang of pain shot through my back and I cried out. I saw his eyes narrow threateningly and I let out another whimper, shielding my face with my arm and cringing.

“That is what I thought,” he said harshly and straightened himself, looking down at me over the bridge of his nose.

I started shivering again, the involuntary convulsions of my body sending little jabs of pain through my back and making me hiss. I tried to regain control of my body, but where-ever I was, it was too cold for me to control the shivering and I quickly figured I should resign to that fate and make peace with the pain.

Nothing new, sadly, because an ache somewhere in my body was custom every day of my life.

I narrowed my eyes at the man staring down at me, a thousand questions running through my head. Where was I exactly? How did I end up here? Why? What was he going to do with me?

My jaw opened and closed multiple times with the unspoken questions and the man tilted his head.

“Speak!” he demanded and for a moment I cringed at his sharp tone. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find my voice and for a couple of seconds I squealed incoherent sounds again.

The man uttered a low growl and with that words tumbled out of my mouth for the first time since I had opened my eyes. “W-Who are you and where am I?” The words left my lips so fast it sounded like a single string of letters instead of multiple words, but apparently the man had understood every syllable and a wicked grin spread across his face, his white teeth a stark contrast to his blue skin across which dark shadows danced, giving him an evil look. Than he spoke, his voice smooth and dark but it send shivers down my spine nonetheless.

“I am Loki,” and he spread his arms to the sides to indicate my surroundings. “And welcome to Jotunheim!”

 

* * *

 

Loki looked at the quivering mortal on the pile of furs, his arms falling back to his side as he held on to his wicked grin. But his grin faltered as she suddenly found her words and questions tumbled from her lips, her screeching voice piercing his sensitive ears.

“What is Jotunum? What are you? How did I end up here? Are you going to hurt me? Are-”

“SHUT UP!” Loki screamed at her. “Continue your questions and I _might_ hurt you,” he threatened and bared his teeth.

By the Norns. How did he ever figure it was a good idea to bring a mortal here? And why had he just plucked one at random of Midgard’s surface instead of doing his research first, studying his prey? Maybe he would have ended up with someone less quivering, less crying and less weak instead of this phafetic creature.

But it was too late now to change things. He couldn’t send her back - or swap her with another for that matter - because it had been a one time chance and he had to make due with it as it was.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and briefly closed his eyes in exhaustion, then he flung them open again and only uttered a low growl as he moved through his home - this icy cavern he had called ‘home’ for some time now - and sat down on a jutting piece of ice which he had carved into something comfortable to resemble a chair of some form. He put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward to study the mortal woman, her scent of fear tickling his nose.

She cringed, trying to make herself small under his scrutinizing glare.

Loki tapped his index finger on his mouth, pondering on something. “I’m going to indulge you, Mortal,” he spoke with a low and mysterious voice. She eyed him curious but Loki could see the wariness that lay underneath. “You may ask me three questions, so choose wisely.”

She tilted her head and pressed her lips together and he could almost hear her skim through the barrage of questions running in her head and a little smile formed on his lips. He was very curious himself what she would ask him. After months of silence he secretly longed for a good conversation but he wasn’t sure if she was the right person for that.

“What are you?” she asked bluntly, interrupting his thoughts.

Loki tilted his head and his jaw clenched. He had hoped her first question would be an more intelligent one, but here he was, her question rampaging through his mind and wanted to recite all his titles and who he should have been - Loki, the Silver Tongue, God of Lies and author of woes, the rightful King of Asgard _and_ Jotunheim - but he settled on something more simple, afraid he might make her tiny brain explode.

“I am Loki, God of Mischief.”

One eyebrow shot up at her hairline and she gave him an incredulous look while she blatantly seized him up all the way from his shoes to his face. “That was not what I meant and you don’t look like a God,” she stated bluntly.

Loki felt his jaw tighten again, a little bile of anger lodging itself in the back of his throat. Who did she think she was? Was she even aware of the fact that her quivering form was in his hands; that she was completely a slave to his every whim? Apparently not because she only looked at him as if he was obliged to further detail his answer and tell her what he _exactly_ is.

“Gods never look the way you mortals think we look,” he answered her grim.

“Apparently not.”

Loki almost choked on her sassiness and he wasn’t sure whether he liked her boldness or not. On one hand did he love it when someone stood up to him and wasn’t deterred by his way of treating, on the other hand she might get some weird idea’s in that little skull of hers and that would mean he had to figure out a way to keep her in check.

He must have been looking furious because her next question tumbled from her lips in a small voice. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Loki narrowed his eyes and licked his lips. “That entirely depends on your behavior,” he answered coldly and he hadn’t lied a single word in his answer. If she did keep up the attitude she suddenly had found, if she would defy him, then he would hurt her and do everything to make her submissive to him.

Loki could see her throat move while she swallowed, the scent of her fear lingering in the air again and prickling his nostrils. It still amazed him how much sharper his senses were in his Jotun form and it was a refreshing to smell something else than the icy odour of this frozen wasteland or the constant saltiness from the sea that lingered in Jotunheim’s the air. The only variation in smell he had had - and taste for that matter because the salt in the air stuck to his tongue all the time - had been that of the fish he caught and the very rare game that roamed these lands.

“What do you mean?” she whispered while biting her bottom lip and casting her eyes down.

“Are you sure that is the third question you want me to answer?” Loki asked darkly. Was she really that stupid? His answer had been quite straightforward, hadn’t it?

Her head jerked up, her eyes big and he could see a shiver running down her spine. She shook her head in silence, the movement small but erratic and Loki felt a pang of pleasure running through his veins at her utter fear.

He made a motion with his hand for her to ask her last question and he moved his hand to his mouth, his index finger rubbing his lips slightly as he waited for her to find her voice again and speak.

“W-Why am I here?” she asked with a quivering voice.

A little smile formed on Loki’s lips and he withdrew his hand from his lips, clasping his hands together as he leaned a little forward, his form menacing and threatening.

“I’m not going to tell you,” he answered coldly.

That seemed to tick her off. “But you said I could ask three questions!” she spat at him.

“Yes, that is correct. You got to _ask_ three questions but I never said I would answer them truthfully or answer them at all,” he bit back.

But suddenly the mortal had found her bravery and anger crossed her face. “That isn’t fair!”

“Life isn’t fair,” Loki retorted angrily but he could hear the hurt simmering through in his voice. He was glad she didn’t pick up on that because she cringed back in her spot again.

But his own assessment of life lodged itself into his brain and made him involuntary think back about the past months of his life.

After he had tried to take over Midgard with an army of Chitauri under the violent pressure of the Mad Titan - in which he had failed - Loki had been brought back to Asgard and almost literally been thrown at the dais of Hlidskjalf for Odin’s verdict.

He had stood proud under the All-father’s withering glare, not giving the slightest indication that something had been out of the ordinary, or the fact that at that point Loki had actually felt very small and lonely.

Odin had berated him for his actions, shouting at him that his only birthright had been to die as the runt he was. Loki had tried to mask his feelings, the All-father’s words wounding him deeply and even more accentuating the fact that the man who had supposed to be his father care naught for his adoptive son, throwing more salt to his already emotional festering wounds. If there ever had been a moment Loki had wanted to share his story and tell what had happened, it had died right then and there in front of the dais of the throne because at that point Loki had realised something; no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much effort he would put in explaining his point of view, trying to put to words what it had been like and what he felt, Odin wouldn’t care.

Nobody would care.

He had bit back his frustration, the tears of sadness and anger brimming his eyes and trying to control every fiber of his being not to lash out and sealing his fate further.

As the story of his life had been he had to do everything alone, the burden he carried with him for nobody to share with, not even his mother as Odin’s verdict had whisked him away so quickly he hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye.

Odin’s decision had suddenly changed, from locking him away in the dungeons for the remainder of his life, to an exile to barren wastelands Jotunheim. And as said they hadn’t wasted a single minute to drag Loki across the Bifrost and send him off.

How lonely he had felt in that moment and the months on Jotunheim that had followed. He hadn’t sought out the civilization of the Frost Giants because that could be a dangerous game which required some careful planning and scheming afore he could mingle with them without the assurance of Heimdall bringing him back if need be. And thus he had sought an icy cavern where he could reside for some time, trying to make amends with everything that had happened, but his life had been dull and grey and without the input from someone else, without someone else defying him and making him think, he could only wallow on the events that had passed and never break the endless circle he had created for himself in his mind.

It hadn’t just been loneliness that had driven him to find a way to get a companion, it had also been pure boredom and a wish for someone to bring him back to life; to kickstart his cold and dead heart again.

“Tell me!” she demanded, drawing Loki from his little ride through the past. “I can see on your face, in your eyes even, that you have brought me here for a purpose. Tell me!” she demanded angrily again.

Within the blink of an eye Loki was to his feet and hovering over her, grabbing her by her throat, his cold fingers locking around her small neck, and hoisting her in the air, pushing her against the cold wall. He put his face close to hers and he bared his teeth. “You have nothing to demand because I’m in charge,” he growled. She clawed at his arms and wrists, trying to loosen the grip on her throat but Loki didn’t relent. “You are at my mercy and you will do as I tell you because you’ve got nowhere to run!”

She dug his nails in his arms, scratching the ridged markings and sending strange shivers of pleasure along his skin. She squealed as she struggled to free herself from his grasp and Loki basked in the power he held over her small form. He gave a little squeeze, making her gasp for air, before he let her go and she slumped to the floor with a thud.

She coughed, her breathing wheezing and heavy as her hand went to her throat to rub the soreness.

Loki hovered over her writhing form, a warning in his eyes that she shouldn’t defy him again and that if she did, she would pay for it. “Have I made myself very clear, Mortal?” he barked viciously.

 

* * *

 

“Y-yes,” I softly muttered between coughs.

The man - called Loki apparently - moved away from me and I tried to make myself small and wrapped my arms around my chest to preserve some of my body heat, my teeth clattering and my breathing still wheezing from his violent grip around my throat.

Loki turned around and he seemed to busy himself with something. I studied his back while softly chewin on my lip, thinking about everything that had just transpired.

I didn’t know where I was, but where-ever I was, it had me locked up with a lunatic and an alien on top of that. I didn’t buy it for one single minute that he was a God but I couldn’t deny that he wasn’t human.

I wasn’t sure I had left Earth either because something like a Jo- Ju- Jot- whatever surely didn’t exist. I searched my brain for a map of the earth, trying to figure out where such ice-caverns as I was now existed. But my skills at maps had never been good and the only places I could think of were one of the poles, Greenland - wasn’t that part of the arctic? - and somewhere high up north in Russia. And of the latter I wasn’t even sure that there were caves. Oh, and maybe Iceland.

But none of that mattered nor I was certain and my shoulders slumped as I rubbed my upper-arms for some heat.

Then I felt something poking in my pocket. Of course! My cell phone! Quickly I fumbled in my pockets, glad I had stuffed the thing in the pocket of my trousers instead of my purse, and pushed the button on the side to activate it.

The screen flared to life and I felt my heart leap a little in joy. Maybe I could call someone and tell them to help me and I quickly unlocked the device. But my heart sank just as fast as I saw the icons on the top indicating no reception and no internet.

I angrily punched on some apps, my fingers growing more numb by the second, to see if I had some internet and I even tried to call my mother, but it didn’t work. I growled in frustration.

“What is that?” Loki asked darkly but I caught the hint of curiosity. My head jerked up and I looked at him hovering over me, his eyes narrowed.

“This- uh, this is a phone,” I stuttered.

I wanted to facepalm myself at my stupidity. It wasn’t probably the best idea to show your captivator that you might have something that could save you and I swallowed.

He grabbed the phone from my numb fingers and kept it in front of his face, studying it.

“Give it back!” I demanded but the warning glance he gave me made me cringe and I tried to make myself small again.

Loki toyed with my cell phone, mimicking what he had seen me do. “How does it work? What can it do?” he asked and peered over the brim of the device.

What? This man was strange. He had never seen a cell phone? Did there still live people on earth who never had seen such a thing?

“I’ll tell you if you tell me why I’m here,” I replied curtly, not sure where this bravery suddenly came from.

His eyes narrowed again, his look dangerous and I yelped in the back of my throat, the fear not even able to pass my lips to make a decent sound.

He played with my phone some more but I could see he was quickly losing his interest in the object, his eyebrows furrowing at something that must look like witchcraft to him. Suddenly sound echoed of the cavern walls and I laughed a little at his confused reaction as he apparently had found the music app. Frustration crept over his face followed by anger and he tossed my phone back in my lap. “Turn it off!” he barked. “NOW!”

I snickered. ”What, you don’t like music?” I taunted.

“First of all, _that_ ain’t music, and secondly, someone might hear us,” he snapped, his form hovering over mine.

“If someone hears me that means I might be saved from you!” I screamed and jumped to my feet. As soon as my nose hit his leather-clad chest I realised my mistake and I felt his hand snake in my hair, fisting it and yanking my head backwards. He put his face close to mine and I could see myself in the black of his pupils. “There are far more dangerous things here than me, now turn it off or I’ll destroy the last little connection you have to your meager Midgard,” he hissed between clenched teeth and let go of my hair.

I felt my knees shake and did as he had told me, turning off the music quickly and locking the screen before shoving my cell phone back in my pocket.

He scoffed. “Let me make something else clear,” he spoke through gritted teeth while leaning in again, our noses almost touching. “If someone has heard that, if someone finds us, I will have no trouble whatsoever to leave you behind or for death to take because your life means nothing to me.”

I could see the fire blaze in his eyes, his anger almost tangible and I swallowed. I didn’t answer and only looked at him with two big eyes, my body shaking not only due to the cold but with fright as well. Carefully I took a step back and he snorted before turning around and busying himself with whatever he was doing.

My breath, which I  didn’t know I had been helding, escaped my lungs slowly. I took a couple of more breaths to steady myself and looked around.

For the first time I actually noticed my surroundings and I started to scuffle through the room, eyeing Loki warily while taking in what I saw. I was curious, and any information might help me aid in my escape, but most of all I needed to move to get the stiffness from the cold out of my limbs and with movement I might be able to keep myself a little warmer.

But there wasn’t much to look at in the empty cavern. The walls had a couple of crevices where weird light was placed, a green orb of some sorts but I couldn’t see the cable or anything to fuel the lightbulbs. It gave me a weird feeling and I didn’t understand, but there was so much more I didn’t understand.

“What is this Jut- Jot- Jotunum?” I asked to Loki’s back.

“Jotunheim,” he corrected me while I scratched the icy surface of the wall.

“Yes, whatever you call it,” I countered dryly.

He didn’t answer and I moved through the cavern some more, every step I made crunching the ice underneath my boots. I shivered and looked at his back, tilting my head slightly at his hunched over form, giving him an animalistic look. “Why aren’t you cold?”

Again he didn’t answer and I could feel frustration creeping in my veins. Why didn’t he answer me? He had brought me here, the least he could do is answer my questions and explain things to me.

I sat down on the jutting piece of ice Loki had been sitting on some minutes ago but I immediately regretted the decision as I felt the cold rapidly creep through my thin trousers and almost freezing my bottom and I moved back to the pile of furs, grabbing one and draping it around my shoulders.

“How long have I been here?”

Again no answer.

“Why have you brought me here?” I tried. “What use-”

Suddenly Loki turned around, his movements brisk and threatening. “Stop talking mortal!” he hissed at me and I felt the fright grip my heart again.

“No!”

I would not have it! If he wanted me here, if he wanted something from me, he should tell me and I felt the fright turn to anger. “If you are going to keep me here you could at least talk to me! If not, then bring me back!” I seethed with rage.

“I commanded you to stop talking,” Loki hissed and advanced threateningly towards me but I wouldn’t yield, wouldn’t show him any longer I was afraid.

“No, take me back! What use do you have of me?”

“SHUT UP!” he screamed at me and the lights around us suddenly flared a little brighter. For a moment I was put off by the weird occurrence and I could see the sheer rage in his eyes and on his features.

The anger left me and turned into a frustrated despair. “Take me back, please!” I shouted desperately at him, tears brimming my eyes, but the anger remained on his face masking if my words had any effect on him.

“Please!” I shouted, “I don’t belong here!” I could feel the tears trickle down my cheeks, the anger and despair momentarily heating my body and making me feel less of the numbing cold.

Then he spoke, but the answer wasn’t what I expected. “Neither do I,” Loki said emotionless but I saw a hint of hurt, of longing, crossing in his eyes. It was brief, but it had been there unmistakingly.

“Then why don’t you bring us back?” I begged.

His eyes narrowed but my brain shifted to a ranting mode, words tumbling out of my mouth, begging him to bring me back to my home or at least explain something and feeding his anger. He kept yelling at me to be silent but the more he yelled, the harder I shouted back until he was but a pace away from me. “Last warning!” Loki barked. “Be silent you meager mortal or I will silence you!”

But my mind couldn’t stop and my mouth wouldn’t still. “Please!” The word ripped itself from the deepest part of my soul, trying to tear me apart in the utter desperation I felt.

The last thing I saw was his closed fist coming for my face and I could feel the warmth of blood flowing over my lips as his fist connected with my nose, cracking the bone. For a moment I saw stars and then the pain kicked in, draining out my senses and a darkness crept in from the sides of my eyes.

I could feel my body fall to the hard floor, undoubtedly bruising and scratching my limbs, and I laughed internally at the thought that he at least was true to his word.

Then everything went dark.

 

* * *

 

“How is he faring?” she asked.

“He has found a mortal,” he answered emotionless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments <3  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

Loki trotted along through the frozen wasteland of Jotunheim, the mortal in his arms wrapped up in a bundle of furs so she wouldn’t freeze to death. At least he hoped so.

He actually felt very guilty that he had hit her so hard that she had lost consciousness, but on the other hand he had warned her and she hadn’t stopped her screaming. Her shrill voice had pierced his ears and for a moment he had thought his ears would start to bleed, but more so had he been afraid that someone had heard them and the last thing he currently wanted was to defend himself - and her - against angry Frost Giants.

Loki was sure that if need be he would be able to talk them out of it but for that he would have to reveal who he was and right now he really didn’t want that.

Partly because he didn’t want to but mostly because he was still trying to come to terms with his heritage. From the moment he had found out there hadn’t been a single moment of respite to ponder the implications, his life that had followed had been a chain of events without time to breath or think. The All-father falling to Odin-sleep, Gungnir and the Throne, his fight with Thor, his fall from the Bifrost, the Mad Titan and his gruesome deeds, the attack on Midgard, all up until his banishment to Jotunheim. And even here on Jotunheim he hadn’t had the time because his first weeks had been filled with trying to survive and planning a course of action - which he still hadn’t.

Ever since the day his true heritage had been revealed to him little bits and pieces of his life had fallen into place, but never had he had the time to actually think about it. It explained for instance why everybody had always been so warm to the touch and why he had never been deterred by cold. It had also explained why he wasn’t very fond of fire even though some mortals referred to him as the God of Fire.

Fire. Something he oddly longed for on this cold realm. But even if he would conjure a fire, he hardly had any fuel to keep it going because trees, and therefore wood, were very scarce on this surface.

Loki looked up to the sky, the grey turning even darker. Soon it would be nightfall but he could also sense the blizzard that was coming - another thing he had discovered about himself, he could sense blizzards and snowstorms.

He quickened up his pace and held the mortal close to him while furiously hoping she still would be alive and not frozen to death when he had found a new shelter.

 _If_ he would find a new shelter.

Loki briefly glanced at her face which was almost entirely covered by furs to keep her warm, except for her nose so she could breath. Guilt washed over him because he wasn’t sure she was able to breathe properly through her crumbled nose after he had punched her.

Things between them had gone too fast, even for his liking, he didn’t even knew her name because he had never asked! Hadn’t he had the time or hadn’t he been interested in her not wanting to make time? Or had it just been the fact that he had been fed up with the fact that he thought her weak?

Loki didn’t know the answer to those questions yet he clung on to her as if she was the only thing he had, which was true if you thought about it and sadness washed over him.

He looked at her again and his heart made a little leap of joy when he saw her hot breath fogging the air around her face. It wasn’t much but it at least meant she was still alive and that made him feel a little bit less guilty. Well, that, and the fact that he hadn’t been wasting his energy on carrying a corpse across Jotunheim.

When Loki looked up he suddenly saw something that looked like mountain not so far of from where he was. For a moment he was surprised he hadn’t seen the mountain sooner from a distance, but it happened more often that when he was deep in thought he lost his sight and his other senses took over. And especially in his Jotun form he had become extremely good in tuning one sense out and honing the others.

A little smile played on his lips and he aimed for the mountain, hoping he would find an empty gave, or a cave with a creature that could become his food, and take up shelter there. He also hoped the mountain didn’t harbor any Giants because the sky indicated that he wouldn’t have the time to scout out the environment and establish if they were safe. For the duration of the oncoming blizzard they would be safe, but once the storm would lie down their situation could get perilous.

Even though the odds weren’t in his favor, Loki rather took those odds instead of getting caught in the blizzard and thus he trotted on, clamping the unconscious mortal to his chest as if she was his last resort.

 

* * *

 

With a groan I slowly opened my eyes, glad the nightmare with the weird alien was over and I propped myself up on my elbow, using one hand to rub the sleep from my eyes.

The world slowly drifted into focus and I swore under my breath when I saw the icy walls still surrounding me, Loki’s dark form hunched in a corner.

Rapidly the events sprang back to my mind and it was only then I felt the throbbing and burning pain from my shattered nose, the blood crusted to my upper-lip and chin and the taste of its metal when I licked my dry lips.

“You survived.”

Loki’s dry words lazidly drifted to my ears while his back stayed turned to me. For a brief moment I wondered how he had noticed that I was conscious again but I didn’t linger on the matter because it wasn’t important.

I grunted as some form of response and I was sure my utter dismay wasn’t lost on him.

I looked around and noticed the shape of the cave had changed and it also was a lot smaller. “Have we moved?” I asked still taking in my surroundings.

This time Loki grunted in response and I snorted. Slowly he started to turn around and instantly I tried to make myself small, my derisive snort probably had angered him and his previous threat was still crusted to my face.

He righted himself, slowly walking over to me and I scurried backwards, my back hitting the wall and very frightened of his threatening form. He dropped something in front of my feet on the icy floor and walked away from me. He sat down across from me in the small cave, one leg propped under him, the other sticking out in front of him, his back leaning against the cold wall by which he still didn’t seem bothered, and he studied me with those piercing red orbs.

I briefly glanced at the object he had dropped in front of my feet and I gave him an incredulous look. For a moment I had forgotten all that had transpired, the fear gone from my being and replaced by utter surprise. “What is that?” I inquired and eyed the redish piece of slug that lay in front of my feet with disdain.

“The cave’s previous inhabitant,” Loki stated bluntly and my jaw dropped. Literally!

I glanced to my left to the corner where he had been hunched over and the gory and bloody mess that was in the corner didn’t leave much for my imagination and I felt my stomach turn, bile threatening to run up my esophagus.

“Eat,” he commanded while giving a short nod at the piece of red slug that was in front of my feet.

I wrinkled my nose. The slug that I presumed was meat of some sort didn’t look very appealing nor eatable but my rumbling stomach ratted me out and Loki smirked. Still I wasn’t very eager to test if it was eatable no matter how hungry I was.

Loki probably sensed my disdain. “It is the only thing you are going to get,” he stated matter of factly and leaving me with the choice of eating it or being hungry.

“Can’t you cook it?” I asked a little uncertain.

Loki sighed exhausted and his answer was brisk. “And what do you propose we use as fuel?”

I looked around the cavern but didn’t spot anything that would suffice to burn. Quite frankly, there was nothing to burn since everything around me was ice appart from a few splotches of rock that weren’t covered in ice. “I- uh, I-” I stuttered and snapped my mouth shut and I tilted my head and stared at him, my breathing shallow, the cold stinging my throat as I felt a lump form there.

“What is your name?” he suddenly asked and I furrowed my brows.

I softly muttered my name under my breath and a small smile played on his lips. Now I thought if it we had only talked about him and I indeed had never told him who I was or where I was from and I heard him repeat my name as if he wanted taste every letter on his tongue.

“Why the sudden interest?” I asked him briskly because I really couldn’t phantom why it was of use of him other than making conversation. His answer however rocked me back on my heels, if I had been standing that was, and wasn’t what I expected. Then again, my expectations had become very low and I stared at the meat still lying at my feet.

“I figured it might be useful to know which name to yell at you when you misbehave again,” he chuckled darkly.

The lump in my throat became harder and I could feel the burning sensation in my eyes of tears that wanted to come but I tried to bite them back, chewing on my bottom lip and tasting my own blood that was still crusted there.

I still didn’t know how I had ended up here and the most frustrating thing was that I didn’t even remember the past week. Every time I searched my memory for it I found nothing but a dark void, not even flashes of what I had done even though I knew, I could _feel_ , that I had done some things in the past days while I was at home, but I couldn’t remember what. And thus I couldn’t trace my steps back at how I had ended here.

But I was sure of one thing, I wanted to go home. The cold constantly nipped at my skin making my limbs feel numb and hurting my body. I was afraid and even though Loki was here I felt incredibly alone and all I currently wanted was to snuggle up on the couch in a warm blanket and stare at the screen of my television until this nightmare was gone from my mind.

Oh, and how I longed for a decent meal, my stomach grumbling but turning the moment I looked at the bloody mess that Loki classified as ‘food’. I didn’t want to eat raw meat, not only because there might be bacteria in them, but also because it would probably taste horrible.

The tears started to burn my eyes and no matter how hard I fought them, no matter how hard I bit my lip and tried to swallow the lump away, a tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheeks.

Loki scoffed but I paid him no heed.

He still hadn’t told me why I was here, what purpose I had for him. What did he want from me? I figured that if he wanted to assault me he already would have done so. And he probably would have found a place less cold and more-

I shook my head to get rid of the dark thoughts, more tears running over my cheeks with the movement, but the harder I tried not to think about it, the more vivid my imagination became.

I praised myself very lucky he hadn’t harmed me yet and I unwillingly thought of some gruesome episodes of some crime-scene series I had watched, very well aware that things could be a lot worse, could become a lot worse, and I started sobbing. My shoulders shook with the movement and I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and buried my face in my knees.

The moment my nose touched the hard bone of my kneecap an angry flare of pain went through my skull, making my head pound for a second and reminding me that my previous thought had been a lie. He had hurt me!

“Stop your weeping, Mortal,” Loki scolded darkly.

I almost wanted to laugh at his blunt command because the tears that I had been biting back, the pain from my mangled nose and the stress I had been feeling had build up to a crescendo and now found their way out in my tears, and that was something I couldn’t stop on command, nor did I want to.

I heard him growl and his leather attire made a dry sound as he moved but I couldn’t care less. If he hadn’t brought me here, if he hadn’t locked me up in this frozen cavern and hurt me I wouldn’t be crying now, so why would I indulge him to listen to him over something that was _his_ fault!

My crying got worse, my breaths coming in shocks and my shoulders accompanying them in the same manner. I struggled to get air inside my lungs with every violent sob that was wrought from utter despair and pain, but the cold air burned my throat and fueled the contractions in my body.

It was at this point I realised I was no longer in control of my sobbing, the contractions so violent I couldn’t do anything else than just ride it out until the stress would leave my body and my tears deprive, and I resigned to that faith. The heaves for air that tumbled from my lips feintly echoed through the cave, the sound bouncing of the ice-covered walls.

Suddenly I felt something grabbing my hair and yank my head back and through my tears I could see Loki’s red orbs filled with an angry blaze, his teeth bared in the scowl that was on his face. I hadn’t even noticed he had gotten up and had walked over to me. “Stop, whining!” he hissed under his breath while fixing my tear-filled eyes with those red orbs of his.

My heart leaped in fright, trying to find a way out of my chest and my brain switched off, sending my body in a frenzy. I tried to grab his arm, scratch him, and pull myself free. I screamed at him, no words but just frustration and let my fright, anger and despairing sobs take me over.

But he was so much stronger than I was and didn’t let go of my hair and he even pulled me to my feet. I could feel the strain of the roots on my scalp leave a burning sensation as he hoisted me up but I didn’t care.

“Stop this,” he hissed at me but his words only fueled my angered fright and I reached for his face trying to scratch his eyes out.

“STOP IT!” he screamed in my face and I felt my body momentarily paralyze and the will to fight was suddenly drained from me.

Hot tears ran over my face again and I fell back to the lung-shredding sobbing from before, not able to control the convulsions. Loki let go of my hair and I fell to the floor, my legs unable to carry the weight that was suddenly put on them and my knees bashed the hard floor.

“Stop crying you puny mortal,” Loki bit at me.

“I-I c-can’t,” I stuttered between sobs and heaves.

“You’d better try before someone hears us and knows we’re here!” he shouted at me and I almost laughed at the irony. He wanted me to be silent because someone might hear us but here he was _yelling_ at me. How is that for someone not hearing us?

My crying didn’t cease and Loki kept yelling and demanding I was silent, but the more he yelled, the harder I cried. I tried to explain him that his screaming only had the opposite effect but he wouldn’t listen and he kept hissing at me to calm down.

I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Utter despair and terror had taken hold of me and I was besides myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had so fully had lost control - if I ever had so fully lost control that was.

Loki yanked me up again by the collar, my feet dangling some inches above the ground and I screamed on the top of my lungs. He clamped his hand around my mouth, silencing me, his nails painfully digging in my cheek and angry flares of pain running up to my head where his hand graced my nose.

I squirmed and whimpered in his grip.

“Calm down, stop crying and stop screaming!” he barked at me, his voice getting louder with each word and his face close to mine. I could smell the blood on his breath even through my mangled nose and I figured he had probably eaten the sluggish goo he had offered me to eat. “Nod if you understand,” he hissed and I tried to pull my face away from his, but his hand clamped across my mouth prevented me from retreating.

I nodded, my eyes wide and my body trembling with fear.

Slowly he removed his hand from my mouth and I whimpered at the deadly glare he fixed me with. “I-I,” nothing but stutters tumbled from my lips and didn’t even know what I wanted to say to him. I was still so scared and when I saw his eyes flare up in anger at my stuttering I cringed and tears spilled down my cheeks again.

“Stop. Making. A. Sound!” he hissed but I could not. No matter how hard I wanted, no matter how hard I tried, the sobs were back. Again! And this time to my utter dismay as well because I was done crying.

Before I could even try to regain control, before I even could say something or even nod, Loki heaved me a little bit more into the air and tossed me across the cavern like I was nothing but a rag-doll.

The last thing I saw was the cavern-wall coming at me and I braced myself for the impact. I felt my head hit it and then I was left in darkness.

 

* * *

 

Loki looked at her crumbled form lying against the cavern-wall and he started to pace, trying to control the anger that threatened to swallow him like a dark wave.

Oh, how he loathed this weak creature and her shrieking voice. She had nothing to cry about and if she quickly didn’t stop her tantrums he _would_ give her something to cry about.

He walked to the entrance of the cave and stared at the blizzard, the snow angry slits cutting the air with the blazing wind and covering the entrance like a white door.

He looked down at his hand, the blue ridges angry marks across his blue skin, his dark nails, something he still wasn’t used to even after months of adorning this form.

When he had arrived here on Jotunheim he had quickly found out that he could handle the cold better in his Jotun form than in his Aesir, and it costed him less magic to keep up the appearance and deprived his energy less.

But he was still surprised at how fragile mortals were. He hadn’t tossed her any harder than that guy in his iron suit yet she seemed to be so much more fragile than him and he wondered why that was. Or had his strength in this form suddenly grown and wasn’t he aware of that?

He snickered. Maybe he should test this theory the next time he encountered the Man of Iron but a sadness lodged itself in his chest and his grin evaporated. _If_ there would be a next time. _If_ he ever got of this forsaken realm.

Panic flared in his chest at the thought that he would have to sit out the rest of his days on this frozen wasteland with nothing to do but avoid his kin, hunt for scarcely found food and all alone until death would claim him. And even in the thought of death he didn’t found solace because he was very sure that the gates of Valhalla would forever remained closed for him.

Loki’s breathing came in quick, short gasps and his heart thudded in his chest. He didn’t want that! He didn’t want _this_ , stuck on a realm where he didn’t belong and where he had to fight for survival until the end of his days.

Guilt washed over him as he thought of the mortal woman lying in the cave. She probably had felt the very same thing he was feeling now and he scurried back inside, kneeling next to her slumped form, his hands hovering over her body.

She was still breathing but Loki didn’t know how long that would last. How long would she be able to survive this harsh environment? Was she even able too? Had he been selfish by bringing her here only for his solace? His head dropped because he knew the answer to his last question very well but he couldn’t bring her back to her beloved Midgard. He had used the last of his resources to get her here and there was no way he could send her back.

For a moment he considered leaving her behind. He had no use for her, she was nothing but a thorn in his eye, wearing him down and endangering them both and he even played with the thought of just killing her. It would probably be more merciful to take her life instead of making her live on this realm with him. But the thought of being alone again, of losing the only person who spoke to him even though she was forced to do so and didn’t want too, made his breaths come shallow and filled his heart with anxiety and a feeling of loneliness.

He scooped her up in his arms, her head lolling back and he could feel the warm blood from the wound on her head sticking to the back of his hand. Losing her would mean he would be alone again and the loneliness had worn him down over the last weeks. She might be a little stupid and a whining mortal, she was all he had right now and he didn’t want to lose that.

Loki placed his hand on the back of her head against the bleeding wound and he called to his Seidr, mending the broken skin and tissue in her skull. She would probably wake with a screaming headache but the damage would be less if he would do naught.

He stared at her bloodied face. She was actually quite beautiful and with his thumb he softly brushed over her lips, the dried blood flaking under his touch. Her nose looked mangled up indeed and again he briefly caught himself wondering if his strength had grown.

Carefully he placed his hand over her nose and called to his Seidr again, healing her and he brushed a stray lock of her out of her face.

Maybe if he didn’t treat her so harsh she would comply to his wishes. But why would he indulge her? He was a Prince - a King! - a God even after all so why should he?

Angry bile rose in the back of his throat again as he thought about all that he had lost and she slipped from his grap, rolling to the floor and landing there with a thud.

If it hadn’t been for Odin he wouldn’t be here right now. If it hadn’t been for his oaf of a brother he would be still living in an ignorant bliss where he never knew about his heritage. He wouldn’t have fallen and the Mad Titan wouldn’t have caught him. If that guard had only done as Loki had told him to warn the All-father of Thor’s stupid plan none of this would have happened.

The Guard!

Suddenly Loki’s mind came to a halt and a snarl formed on his lips. It had all been the fault of that guard who hadn’t listened to him and the angry bile at the back of his throat suddenly rampaged through his body, the anger back again.

 _If_ Loki would ever get back to Asgard that guard would be his, and a flogging would be the least of the things the man should be worried about because Loki had already thought of ten different ways to punish the man for his insolence a thousand times worse than the bite of a whip!

Suddenly the mortal stirred, pulling Loki from his dark thoughts and he felt his heart make a small leap of joy.

She was still alive!

For now...

 

* * *

 

“How is he faring?” she asked.

“He is angry and lonely” he answered scornful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments <3  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make an extra warning for this chapter since it has smut and dub-con.

Days had gone by, I don’t know how many, and Loki had us moved again. He was still constantly angry with me and I had spend my waking hours almost constantly crying to his utter dismay.

I was frightened and more than once I had begged him to bring me home. I wanted to go home, the relentless cold taking a toll on me and my ever growling stomach only sporadically sustained by whatever raw meat he gave me. I still didn’t want to eat it, it tasted horrible, but it was all I would get and all he offered and thus I had succumbed.

But still I didn’t listen to him, my rebellious actions fueling his rage, but I couldn’t stop crying on command when anxiety took me over and he didn’t seem to understand nor did he make any effort to understand.

And thus he had resulted in punching out my lights every time, the blackness of my unconsciousness the only form of sleep I gained.

I was exhausted and I wasn’t sure if I could keep this up any longer. I wanted out, away from this rotten place and for the first time since days a little bit of luck had been with me.

When I opened my eyes from the blackness that Loki had plunged me into, he was curled up in a corner of the cavern, his breathing rithmic and indicating he was asleep.

Carefully I peeked over at him and waved a hand to see if he would respond, but he didn’t, and carefully I hauled myself to my feet.

With the same carefulness I took a step, testing if my stiff legs would hold me and when my knees didn’t buckle right away I took another step. I straightened my back, rolled my shoulders and somewhat stretched my arms to make the numbness go away, telling my muscles to warm up and heed my command.

I glanced over at Loki who was still sleeping. It was the first time I had woken before he had and I studied him. Right now he didn’t look much like a threat but I knew better and I absently rubbed my cheek where I was sure there was a red bruise blossoming. Yet he looked peaceful, his raven black hair tousled over his face and without his red orbs glaring at me with an angry fire he almost looked vulnerable.

But it was all a lie because I had seen, had experienced, first hand the monster that lingered underneath. Yet something still tugged at my heart. He hadn’t told much but the way he francticly, even to the border of panic, tried to hide us from denizens of this frosten wasteland had me often pondering how lonely his life must have been.

I bit my lip and I almost hesitated to follow through with the plan I had, but I shook my head. This man, this- monster, wasn’t going to keep me here any longer. I might be a long way from home but I figured I’d rather die out there trying to look for civilization instead of staying here with him; no matter how peaceful he looked when he slept.

I sneaked to the entrance of the cave, carefully placing one foot in front of the other and seeking out spots where there wasn’t tick ice that could crack under my weight.

Once I was at the entrance I looked outside, seeing the grey and dull world that lay frozen before my feet. There was no sun but the thick back clouds didn’t produce any snow either and I figured now was as good a time to go as any. I gave one last look over my shoulder and then carefully placed a foot on the snow outside.

I took a few paces and stops to listen if Loki had noticed me leaving, but nothing came after me and I started to walk, the snow crunching underneath my soles and painfully loud in the silence that surrounded me.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew across the vast wasteland, wiping at my face, biting my skin and I shivered. I pulled the collar of my coat up higher and around my mouth, trying to snuggle in it to preserve some body heat.

I remembered that I had once read something somewhere that in these kind of cold environments one should cover their head because that was the place where most of the heat escaped, but my cap hadn’t been in the pocket of my coat, nor had my gloves been, and I would have to make due with what I had. I already was glad I was wearing my woolen winter coat and not my thin summer coat because that would have been an utter hell.

I plowed on, one foot in front of the other until in one such step my foot sank ankle deep into the snow and my heart leaped a little at the unexpected event, the fright sending adrenaline through my veins right away. But my foot didn’t sink any further and I took a steadying breath, shortly reveling in the warmth the adrenaline gave me and pulled my foot free. I tested the area around it with my toes until I found a piece where my foot didn’t sink away and put my foot down.

Carefully I shifted my weight on that foot and with the other I prodded at the snowy floor where I wanted to make my next step. It was solid and I put my foot down again.

And so I went on, testing, stepping, next foot, testing, stepping, next foot. Nothing happened for a while and I found my confidence again and it motivated me to keep on walking.

After I had made my way through this arctic I would found civalication and then I could go home. I wondered if my family already had noticed I was missing and if they did miss me, because I missed them very much. I thought about all the things I would do when I got home but mostly of all I longed for a warm shower and clean clothes. Then I would cook myself a five course meal and the-

My daydreams of home shattered in front of my eyes as my foot sank knee deep into the snow and I let out a little yelp. My heart pounded in my chest and the adrenaline was back, my breaths coming in quick and raspy gasps. I tried to regain control of my breathing and tried to wriggle my leg free, but the more I moved, the more I got stuck.

Suddenly there was a sound and I frantically looked around me and then without warning I fell through the snow with a terrified scream and a wicked coldness hugged my body. The end of my scream got drowned out by the cold water that I sucked into my lungs and only now I realised my mistake; the snow I had been crossing harboured a lake underneath its surface and now I would drown in the murky waters of where-ever I was.

I tried to swim back to the surface but the cold water rendered my limbs numb and I couldn’t move, my wet clothing dragging me down. Then something disturbed the water and as I opened my eyes in narrow slits I could see a dark form coming at me.

Panic grabbed me as the dark form neared and something wrapped itself around my torso. I tried to fight it but as soon as I realised the form was dragging me to the surface I ceased my fighting.

Strong hands pushed me out of the water and I landed on the edge on my back, my calves and feet still dangling in the water. I coughed trying to get the water out of my lungs when someone grabbed me from behind by the collar and dragged me away from the ice hole.

When I opened my eyes Loki stood in front of me, his eyes seething with rage, his jaw pulled taut and he _very_ naked.

“What were you thinking?” he shouted at me while hovering over me and I averted my eyes.

“Why did you even came for me?” I retorted briskly and coughed some more, the murky water leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

He didn’t answer and I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, his face contorted in confusion. Why would he be confused at my question? It was not as if he cared about me, and if he did, he had a weird way of showing me with all the times he had knocked me unconscious. Then why did it look like he cared?

“Do you have any idea how stupid you’ve been?” he shouted again at me. “You could have died if it hadn’t been for me, or captured for that matter!”

For a moment I didn’t understand how dying would be worse from capture. After all, he had held me hostage for God knows how long!

I wanted to make a snippy remark, but the cold from my wet clothes hugging my skin seeped through my flesh and my teeth started to chatter uncontrollably. I tried to prop myself up on my elbow, wanting to get up and walk, but my shivering was so bad I failed miserably.

Loki walked over to me and I tried to scurry back. “N-no!” I hardly managed between the chattering of my teeth, almost biting on my tongue and he stopped to fix me with another confused look.

My eyes wide, my entire being riddled with fear once more I looked at him, but couldn’t help but glance down, my eyes raking over his naked form. He grunted and my eyes flashed back to his face where I saw his eye twitch a little. Then he knelt by my side and scooped me up in his arms. I tried to wriggle free from his grasp but he held me tight against his torso.

I was too exhausted to fight him this time and I quickly ceased my little fit as I felt my muscles constantly contract from the cold. I looked up at him, his face an unreadable mask as he sternly started to walk back in the direction I had fled from.

Back to the icy cave.

 

* * *

 

When Loki woke from his dark sleep he noticed the mortal was gone. He rolled to his back, clasped his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling of the cavern, figuring she would be back soon.

She couldn’t have wandered far, the cold would probably quickly lead her back to the cave where she would be sheltered from the biting wind, or once she had figured out that there was nothing but endless snow in every direction, she would probably get deterred by that and return quickly.

Yet her departure left Loki with a strange nagging feeling in his stomach, not quite sure what or why, but he had been asleep and he didn’t know how long she had been gone already.

Ah well, at least everything was silent now and Loki closed his eyes, listening to the wind outside that occasionally howled past the entrance.

In his mind’s eye he could see her plowing through the snow, shivering as the wind blew through her clothing, biting at her skin and he chuckled. By the Norns she was so weak and she wouldn’t survive for an hour or so, probably less. He imagined her coming back to the cave, tail between her legs and snuggling up in the pile of furs as if nothing ever happened and he thought for once he might forgive her. But then again she would probably resolve in her high-pitched sobbing again and Loki pinched the bridge of his nose at the mere thought of it, a scowl on his lips.

Yet he couldn’t shake that feeling that something might be amiss and he opened his eyes and hoisted himself to his feet. He would regret coming after her and not giving her a moment for the Norns teaching her a lesson, but such was life and maybe the Norns steered him to teach her a lesson.

He walked out of the cave and looked around but he couldn’t see her petite form anywhere. His brows furrowed and a little bit of dread lodged itself in his heart.

What if some wild creature had gotten hold of her and had torn her asunder? Or what if the cold had really gotten to her and she now lay somewhere dead, cold and frozen?

Alone…

Loki looked at the ground and saw a trail that were unmistakingly her small footsteps and he started to follow the tracks.

Or what if a Frost Giant had found her and killed her? Or even captured her, keeping the mortal for their wicked games or whatever they would do with her?

Fear for her well-being gripped at his heart and he started to run, keeping a wary eye on the horizon while following her trail.

His heart made a little leap when he saw a dark form aproximily her height standing not to far away and he slowed down, his run turning into a trot and when he got closer he was sure it was her.

He stopped his trot too and started to walk to her with big strides but then he noticed where she was standing, her leg sunken away in the snow, the icy lake that lied beneath it probably oblivious to her and he broke in a run.

When he was but a couple of strides away from her - the time that had passed mere seconds - he saw her plunge through the ice in front of his eyes, her scream going to marrow and bone and Loki’s heart leapt in shock.

Without even thinking Loki used his Seidr to whisk his clothing away, never once slowing his run, and dove after her into the dark water. The cold hit him like Thor’s hammer because even though he had Frost Giant blood running through his veins, he was still only half a Frost Giant, and the cold paralyzed him for a second. But Loki quickly regained his senses and swam to the mortal, her eyes opening to narrow slits as he got near her and Loki wrapped an arm around her waist, ignoring her struggle, and swam to the surface where he pushed her out of the water after which he quickly followed.

He took a moment to catch his breath before a hot rage took hold of him and he yelled at her. How could she have been so stupid? Did she know naught about frozen lands and ice? He was sure even Midgard had icy places so she should have known something about that!

He was still seething with rage when he had scooped her up in his arms to bring her shivering form back to the cave where he had unceremoniously dropped her on the pile of furs, but she wouldn’t stop shivering, her entire form trembling from the wet cold of her clothing.

“What were you thinking?” Loki screamed at her and she tried to make herself small. “How stupid can you be? You could have died out there! I had told you it was dangerous, did you think I kept you locked up in here because it is such a lovely accommodation?” he ranted at her, the rage from the fear he had felt for her life when she had plunged through the ice fully taking control of him.

She wanted to answer him but nothing but a squirm got out of her throat, her teeth chattering so violently Loki was afraid she would damage them or bite her tongue off. His anger quickly deprived when he looked at her helpless and trembling form and strided over to her.

She tried to scurry away from him but Loki wasn’t in the mood for her little tantrums and grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her towards him.

He started to unbutton her coat and she tried to swat him away, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Loki growled in frustration but his strength won out over her futile attempt to fight him off and her coat fell to the icy floor with a sluggish sound.

He grabbed the hem of her sweater and started to tug it up so he could take it off but this time her tantrum was more vigorously than when he had tried to take off her coat. Within an instant the anger was back and he slapped her across the face, immediately stopping her fit. Loki grabbed her by the jaw and drew her face close to his. “Now listen up, Little Mortal,” he hissed at her, her eyes widening in fear. “Your clothing is soaking wet and mixed with the cold of this realm you will freeze to death if you don’t take them off. So stop fighting me or your death will be slow and painful and it will not be by my hand,” he barked at her, his red eyes spitting fire. “You have two choices; you either cooperate or I’ll knock you out cold again!”

He roughly let go off her jaw and fixed her with a glare telling her he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

“I-I c-can do-o t-this my-s-self-f,” she stubbornly said shivering and tried to push him away, but it felt as if she tried to move a building, her muscles to numb to produce any form of strength.

Loki scoffed, “you are barely able to lift a finger,” he berated and gripped the hem of her sweater again and quite roughly started to peel the piece of clothing of her shivering form. When the sweater was off Loki took off her shirt and immediately wrapped her in a fur so she wouldn’t get any colder.

When he reached for the button of her trousers she tried to swat him away again to do it herself but her trembling was so bad that Loki quickly was the one peeling the denim of her legs, quickly removing her boots and socks and wrapping her in more furs.

He lied her down on the pile of furs and lied himself down next to her, wrapping himself in the furs with her, and pulled her close to him, trying to share the little body heat he had. His hand glided underneath the furs to the clasp of her bra and she squirmed under his grip again but he wouldn’t have any of it and removed the wet piece of clothing, her nipples hard against his bare chest.

When he reached the edge of her panties she fought him again and he gave her a stern look. “All of it,” he demanded and pulled her panties off, the action a little bit awkward as he tried to keep himself pressed against her as much as he could so the furs wouldn’t fall away, and she still not cooperating though he couldn’t understand why.

Now that she was completely naked Loki pulled her close to him, his legs wrapping over hers, his arms around her torso and her head pushed in the crook of his neck, both of them wrapped up in all the available furs Loki had.

Loki called forth a little of his Seidr, the green glow barely visible, hoping the warmth of his magic would stop her shivering without depriving him too much.

Loki was still very cross with her for her ill-considered action, but he figured she had already been punished enough and that he had already let her know what he thought of her action, and thus he tried to smooth out his breathing, pushing the anger out of his system.

He tried to understand why he had put his life on the line for her because the freezing waters might as well have killed him too but yet he had come to her aid without a moment's hesitation.

He sighed. No, he didn’t love this mortal, let alone he liked her because she made his blood boil and he came back to the one and same reason he had concluded before; he didn’t want to be alone.

 

* * *

 

There I lay, naked and shivering in his strong grip from which I couldn’t wriggle free and a ton of emotions running through my heart and wreaking havoc in my mind.

First of all I was cold, so cold, my skin constantly shuddering with goosebumps, my muscles stiff and my teeth chattering uncontrollably and making me feel all over miserable.

Second of all I felt _very_ uncomfortable with Loki - who was still naked - pressed against my naked body, not loosening his grip and making me feel a little more than I actually wanted.

And that brought me to the third conflict, I wasn’t sure if I’d rather be here trapped in his arms but alive and shivering, or dead. Was he ever going to let me go? What was his purpose with me? And that left me still with the questions of how I got here and why me?

The terror that struck my heart with those questions was almost mind-numbing and I could feel my anxiety rising. Great, now I was both shivering from the cold and shaking with sobs.

But most of all I didn’t understand why Loki had saved me. Why was he so wrought up with my well-being if he constantly hurt me? Why had he been so angry? It almost felt as if he feared losing me yet I didn’t understand why.

My thoughts were rampaging through my mind when I felt a familiar darkness creep on the edge of my consciousness. The darkness felt alluring and warm and I carefully traited towards it, wanting it to engulf me and wrap me in its ignorant bliss, but Loki nudged me.

“Stay with me,” he commanded softly and I hummed in response.

The darkness was so alluring and if I just-

Loki nudged me again, rougher this time, and suddenly the world around me came into focus again. “What?” I hissed angrily at him.

“Stay awake!” His tone was forceful, demanding but with a hint of underlying sorrow. So weird.

“Then talk to me,” I said, my tongue feeling sluggish in my mouth.

“About what?” he scoffed.

I was silent for a moment and he nudged me again and I hummed. It was only now that I noticed that I had stopped shivering and I could feel my muscles relax a little bit again.

“You can tell me why you came to my aid.”

“Would you have rather drowned?” Loki replied sharply.

I shook my head, my face still buried in the crook of his neck and the ridges of his skin a weird sensation to my cheek. “No,” I said deflated, “I just don’t understand.”

“Why not?” Loki asked absently and I jerked my head back to look at him, his inquiry ticking me off.

“Well, I don’t understand because I landed in this weird place staring into the red orbs of an alien who apparently caught me, who doesn’t want to tell me anything and punches my lights out when I get an anxiety attack and seems overall bothered with my presence, yet when I almost die that alien saves my life and I’m suddenly naked with him wrapped up in furs,” I ranted and Loki gave me a confused look. “You see my problem?”

His eyes narrowed and then he chuckled. “No, I don’t see the problem,” and he laughed at the scowl on my face.

For some weird reason his laugh was affective and I started to chuckle as well, my anger depriving.

“Maybe there is more to you than I thought there was, Little Mortal,” he said while he placed his hand on my upper-arm, cherishing me and looked behind me.

“Don’t do that,” I said softly.

“Don’t do what?” he asked while he absently stared at the wall, still stroking my arm, and I couldn’t even begin to phantom what he was thinking.

I shrugged my arm, “that!”

He raised an eyebrow at my derisive shrug, his eyes bore into mine and I felt a little uncomfortable yet he stopped his cherishes.

“Why don’t you want to explain me what happened?” I insisted. I saw his jaw tightening but I didn’t avert my gaze.

After a moment of silence he answered, “because it isn’t of importance to the current situation.” Loki broke our stare, staring to the wall behind me.

I caught a hint of pain in his eyes and immediately I felt guilty. I had been so wrapped up in my own turmoil that I had failed to notice that he might as well been fighting a battle of his own. I pushed my lips together and studied his face. I could almost see the thousand thoughts and feelings running through his mind, ever so slightly crossing his face and suddenly I had puzzled the pieces together. “Did you bring me here because you were lonely?” I asked softly.

His head snapped back, the anger plain on his face but I saw the feelings that lay deeper in his eyes. I pulled my hand from underneath the furs, the cold instantly hitting my bare arm and sending goosebumps over my skin, and I carefully laid my hand on his face, my fingers softly cherishing the ridges on his cheek.

Briefly he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. When he opened them his eyes were staring into mine and before I was aware his head came closer and he pushed his lips softly against mine. I felt a little electric shock run through my body, not from static air or real electricity, but the type of shock you feel when you _know_ something is so bad but _feels_ so good.

I pulled away from him, my eyes wide and shock on my face. “D-don’t do that,” I stuttered under his withering glare.

But he didn’t listen. He placed a hand on my cheek and pulled my head back, his lips crashing on mine again and for a moment I struggled under his touch.

This wasn’t alright, I shouldn’t do this! He was an alien after all. Then why did it feel so good, so delicious and didn’t I want him to stop at the same time?

When I felt him slightly open his mouth to deepen our kiss, I succumbed, opening my mouth to let his tongue dance in my mouth, his breath hot and I shivered. I instantly fell a heat course through my veins and settle in my core. My eyes flung open and I pulled away from him.

“N-no, stop it,” I said weakly, my lips ghosting his, drawing a hum from the back of his throat as he pressed his lips on mine again.

His hand still around my waist glided up and down over my back, sending goosebumps over my spine, the ridged markings on his wrist softly scraping the skin of my side adding to the sensation from which I yet had to determine if I liked it or not.

This time it was me who demanded to open our mouths to deepen the kiss and I felt him harden against my stomach. His nails softly raked over my back to my hip and I hummed in his mouth.

My mind was still telling me to demand him to stop, but my body had a different idea about that, I felt the wetness pool between my legs, and a little war erupted in my head. I shouldn’t do this, I should stop him because this wasn’t good. One should not fall for the touch of their captivators no matter how pleasurable it was. He was using me for his own needs, he probably had planned this from the beginning! I should stop him because... Because-

When his hand dipped between my legs and his cool fingers touched my sensitive bundle of nerves any form of protest momentarily evaporated from my mind, drowned out by the shuddering heat that coursed through my body.

It wasn’t if I was going to stop him. If he wanted he would have his way and when one of his fingers dipped into my wet core, drawing a gasp from my lips, I just surrendered.

He would have his way.

My hand glided over his thigh, feeling and exploring the rigorous lines on his skin, my touch varying from a soft cherish to scratching at them with my nails, drawing content hums form Loki’s lips.

His fingers dipped in and out of my core, his fingers slick with my wetness when he lazily traced circles on my clit, drawing moans from my lips and my hips bucking to get more friction.

Loki used his body to push me over on my back, the cold that suddenly graced my skin from one of the furs that fell away making me yelp. He snickered and he quickly rearranged the furs, blocking out the cold.

He placed a few fleeting kissing along my jawline before he buried his head in my neck, his tongue flicking the tender skin and then sucking the sensitive spot beneath my ear, drawing gasps from my lips. His finger dipped into my core again, his thumb rubbing my clit and I felt the heat that would lead to my orgasm rise in my veins. His other hand glided over my stomach to my breast, my nipples still hard from the cold and his touch between my legs, and he played with the hard nub, drawing more moans from my lips.

I squirmed one hand between us to close my fingers around his hard member. For a moment I was shocked, because not only was he bigger than I had anticipated, the ridges even adorned his shaft. For a moment I wondered what that would feel like inside me and I nearly toppled over the edge at the mere thought of it, my breathing eretic and gasping.

Loki bucked his hips, pushing himself in my hand that was still enclosed around his shaft, and I slowly started to stroke him while I raked my nails across his back with my other hand, drawing a guttural grunt from the back of his throat.

I felt his touch between my legs falter with my stroking and I smirked. My smirk seemed to spur him on, his fingers dipping in my core vigorously and more rapidly flicking over my sweet spot. I moaned and gasped, clawing harder at his back and this time it was me who faltered. I felt myself near my orgasm, my breaths coming in moaning wavers.

“You do not get to come until I tell you to come,” he growled in my ear and I made a squealing sound in the back of my throat, shocked by his demand. If he wouldn’t stop or at least slow down his fondling quickly, I would have no say in the matter whatsoever. I could only gasp in answer, my nails digging in his skin and then he stopped moving his fingers.

I breathed hard, trying to get the control back, but also dreading a little that he had denied me. His head came into view and when he pushed his lips on mine, his tongue demanding me to open my mouth while he slowly pushed himself into my wet core, the ridges on his shaft a delicious sensation in my heat, rubbing the sensitive spot in my core.

Then he started to move his hips, my moans once again spurring him on to go faster and I bucked my hips to meet his. “God, I’m coming,” I squealed, my breaths still falling in ragged gasps from my lips.

“You may not,” Loki said hoarsely in my ear and I almost went frantic with trying to fight my building orgasm. His pace quickened and I could feel him swell inside me while he kept panting in my ear.

“Please!” I shouted my beg. “Please, please!”

Loki attacked my neck with his mouth again, one hand kneading my breast and playing with my nipple and he grunted in my ear. “Come for me, Little Mortal,” he demanded and I felt my orgasm tear through my body, colors exploding in front of my eyes, a silent shout on my lips and I felt my walls clench around him. He groaned in my ear as he tumbled over the edge with me, his hips bucking against mine as we rode out our highs.

Still panting he pulled out and rolled off me. When he was on his side he pulled me close against him, his chest still heaving, his arms wrapped around my waist and his face buried in the crook of my neck.

It felt strange and it almost felt as if he didn’t want to let me go; not now, not ever and it hit me just how lonely he must have been all this time. Never once since I had arrived had he spoken about contact with others and from the very scarce things he had told me I knew he had been here for quite some time.

I absently cherished the back of his hand, playing with the edges on his skin, while my thoughts ran free through my head.

“Loki?”

He hummed against my neck in response.

“My clothes are still wet and probably freezing right now. I will not have anything to wear and I can’t remain in this bundle of furs forever,” I said while chewing my lip, pondering the problem.

He chuckled softly and I felt him pull his head away to look at the bundle of wet clothes at our feet. I could feel him move his hand under the furs and a brief green flash enveloped my clothes. “There, all dry,” he said emotionless and buried himself in the crook of my neck again.

“What?” I jerked my head up to see that my clothes were no longer a wet - or almost frozen - pile of fabric and I scooted around in his arms, turning so I could face him. “You could have done that while I was still wearing them!” I scolded and he lazily opened his eyes.

“I could have, but this was more enjoyable,” he snickered mischievously.

My eyes grew wide and before I was well aware my hand was above the blankets and I slapped him in the face. It wasn’t hard because my muscles were still a little stiff and the angle was awkward, but it gave a satisfying smack anyway.

His eyes narrowed and he sighed threateningly. “Do that again and I’ll return the favor, Little Mortal” he said darkly.

I swallowed, knowing his threat was very real and for once I wanted to go to sleep without the touch of his hand - or fist - doing it for me. I snuggled into his arms again and pulled the furs over my bare shoulder, a shiver running down my spine.

Yet I was still cross with him. I hadn’t wanted his touch but he had lured me in with a cheap trick and that didn’t set very well with me. But before I could dwell too long on the matter and my anger could lodge itself in my heart, the drowsy blackness of sleep took me, whooshing me off to the feel of the sun on my skin and the smell of pine trees tickling my nose in the ignorant bliss of my dreams.

 

* * *

 

“How is he faring?” she asked.

He only licked his lips and didn’t answer because he didn’t have one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments <3  
> [Follow me on Tumblr](https://starscreamloki.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make an extra warning for this chapter since it has smut and dub-con, even non-con, though I tried to write the latter with as little graphic details as possible!

It often happens that when two beings had sex that their dynamics change afterwards, and this was also the case for Loki and his little Mortal, but it hadn’t changed for the better.

Loki had gotten the heat after their first rendez vous, his hunger for her insatiable. She was still very angry with him for his little trick, but when they had awoken she had succumbed to his touch with minor resistance.

In the days that followed his heat hadn’t lessened, if anything it had gotten worse, but she was sore and started to deny him and had tried to push him away, but Loki didn’t listen and had his way with her anyway.

She had tried to fight him so hard that he had knocked her unconscious a couple of times just so she would stop her tantrum and _then_ he had his way. Eventually she had stopped defying him, just letting him use her body while she tried to think of other things. And the moment she submitted to his ravishing wishes again their intercourse had changed and making it pleasurable for her as well instead of him just using and hurting her. But that still didn’t make up for all that he did and had done to her.

Loki sat in the entrance of the cave staring to the white world outside as another blizzard had them trapped, the Mortal sleeping on the pile of furs behind him after he had taken her again.

He didn’t understand what was happening to him, why he was feeling this unquenchable hunger and drive for sex?

He had experienced this before every once in a while when he was still Aesir - when he thought he was still Aesir - but never as bad as now and he suspected it had to do something with his Jotun form. It almost felt as if some primal hunger tried to claw his way out of him every time, wakening an animal that would not relent.

A monster…

Look shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face. He felt so guilty for his actions but he couldn’t stop himself when it struck. This heat clouded his judgement, plunging him in a haze from where he couldn’t fight his way out. On some level he was conscious about what he was doing but it was more like he was viewing it from a distance and couldn’t intervene, couldn’t stop himself no matter how hard he willed or screamed to himself to stop.

The mortal had told him to stop as well, screamed at him to stop but that had even made it worse. Her screaming and unwillingness had only feeded his desire and he had taken her over and over again until she was sore and had bruises and bleeding cuts all over her body from his rough handling.

And every time after Loki had had his way with her, she laid crying and shivering on her pile of furs, her sobs cutting through his soul as he was aware he was the reason of her pain.

After his needs had been sustained he could finally think normal again and the anguish and guilt he had felt after the first couple of times had been overwhelming. When she slept he had healed her before the whole ordeal started over again and he felt as if he was trapped in an endless circle which he couldn’t escape.

With his elbows on his knees Loki placed his forehead in his hands. He didn’t know what to do or how he could prevent this. This wasn’t what he had been taught, and even though he would do whatever he wanted when he pleased so, this didn’t sit well with him either.

He sighed.

Loki expected that this way of treating had a lot to do with his blue skin, and he had thought that if he would shift back to his Aesir form this heat would lessen. But to his utter dismay he couldn’t shift back anymore and it scared him immensely. If he ever got of this realm he really didn’t want to be in his Jotun form for the rest of his life, especially not when things got as bad as they had gotten now.

He thought back at the few times in his life he had experienced this feeling when he was still in Asgard, there had always been someone around who had been willing to have sex with him, no matter if he asked for it or demanded it, he got his way. He even remembered one time where he had just set out to the forests and he had been gone from the palace for weeks on end, just to get away from everyone and the temptation, but never had it been so bad that it had taken hold of him as much as it did now.

Never had it given him the feeling he would lose his mind over it.

This animalistic trait that turned into a monster.

His head perked up when he heard the Mortal behind him stirr. He turned to look at her and saw her petite form covered in the furs, her eyes open and drowsy staring out into the world.

He couldn’t even begin to phantom what she was thinking about him, about everything, except that she must be so angry with him and so scared.

He locked eyes with her, the black of her pupils wide, scorn evident in her irises and Loki could feel the heat rise again, the haze pushing his conscious aside and waking a primal urge.

She noticed and he wasn’t surprised. After all these days she had started to recognize the manner in which he was treating towards her, even the way he looked at her before he would ravish her. She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes as Loki stalked to her, his conscious screaming him to stop but his body no longer heeding his call and plunging him in primal desire.

 

* * *

 

When Loki had come for me again, that weird look in his eyes that told me he wanted to ravish me again, I had put up a fight. I had multiple reasons to do so even though I knew he would knock me out cold.

First of all I was still sore from our previous encounter before I had fallen asleep with the tears still stinging my eyes. This time I really didn’t want to be around when he had his way with me, it was less painful if I couldn’t struggle. Yes, I could have chosen to co-operate which would be a benefit for my pleasure as well, but it inherently brought me to my second reason; I was still very angry with him.

Putting up a fight with him gave me a small change to vent my frustration, to take out my anger, and even though I couldn’t harm him, it felt so good to punch him in the face even if it evoked his anger in tenfold.

And there was my last reason. I had figured out in these past days that if I angered him, if I put up a fight his desire would be sustained a little longer than when I willingly succumbed to his touch and that would earn me a couple hours of respite. The lengths of that timespan were however all dependent on how long I was unconscious, but I had also noticed that he had healed me a couple of times and thus I only prayed he would do that this time as he bashed my head against the floor, the world around me plunging into darkness.

When I came around again I figured luck had been with me, and that my prayer had been heard, because I only had a slight headache, the blood and wound that were supposed to be on the back of my head weren’t there.

I sat up and saw Loki sitting hunched in a corner, one foot under him, the other sticking out, his head hanging low and his black hair a curtain in front of his face. I sighed and his head perked up, anger and something that I could only identify as regret, as much as I hated it and still didn’t want to believe it, in his eyes.

I had already seen him act like this after he had his way with me before and I had asked him many times why he ravished me but he had never answered. In the end I had given up on asking, knowing that it would only waste my energy and I would drive myself insane, so I had pushed it from my mind.

I tilted my head as a looked at him and he narrowed his eyes. But what still angered me was the fact that even though he showed this form of regret, and that even though he healed me, he never once apologized for his actions.

Loki scowled at me and I only raised an eyebrow at that.

“I feel dirty,” I said emotionless and looked around the cave. I had learned that this frozen wasteland hadn’t much to offer and neither did this cave. We hadn’t moved because it apparently was a good spot where food could be found nearby - if food was what you could call the redish slug he fed me - and Loki had said that there weren’t any Frost Giants nearby. But that had been about it, and the cave wasn’t very big and didn’t lead very far into the mountain, the damn place a deathtrap if something stronger than Loki would present itself at the entrance.

Loki got to his feet and I eyed him curious. “Get up!” he ordered and I narrowed my eyes.

“Why?”

“GET UP!” he barked at me, his face a scowl and fire blazing in his red eyes.

I scrambled to my feet and he walked to me. I took a few steps back in fear, not sure what he would do or what he was planning. He bend over to grab one of the big furs from the pile that was my ‘bed’ - sometimes our bed - and he walked to me.

I felt my body pull taut in fear and when he draped the fur around my shoulders, the hairs on the inside because he had told me that would isolate better than when the hairs were on the outside, I was actually shocked at his almost caring gesture.

He turned and walked to the entrance of the cave and looked over his shoulder when I didn’t follow. “Come on,” he bade and walked out of the cave into the white that stretched out to every direction.

He started to walk and I followed closely behind him, pulling the fur tighter around my shoulders when a gust of wind blew over the icy plain.

“Where are we going?” I asked him while I had to walk fast to keep up with his long strides.

“You’ll see,” was his mysterious answer.

I took a few quick paces and grabbed his arm, demanding his attention. “Where are we going?” I insisted because I didn’t want to be stuck out here, my last encounter with this land still very vivid in my mind.

He briskly pulled his arm from my grasp. “Stop your questions and just follow me!” he hissed and resumed his pace.

I quickly trotted after him and without saying a word we soon arrived at what seemed the base of a mountain. We walked on and soon Loki guided me into another cave, quickly summoning that green light which I had learned was his magic, and we walked deeper into the cave.

I was skittishly looking around, every moving shadow feeding my anxiety because I was afraid something might jump from those shadows. Loki noticed my distress and only chuckled and I gave him an angry look. If something happened it was my life on the line, not his, because he had his magic and blue skin to save his hide, I on the other hand could do nothing else than scream my lungs out, not much of a defence if you ask me.

Our journey let us deeper into the cavern, the temperature rising and the angle of the path sloping downwards. More than once did we have to squeeze our way through narrow crooks or jump down from ridiculous heights - to my perceptive at least - but Loki helped me with that.

The temperature rose more and more, which was weird because normally caves were very cold, especially on this… planet. Yes, I could no longer deny it even though a little voice in the back of my mind still tried to tell me otherwise, but this wasn’t Earth.

Suddenly I heard the soft sound of running water and my heart made a leap. Where was Loki taking me? What was this place? Doom scenarios ran through my mind and I felt my steps grew more heavy as I trotted after him.

I was so caught up in my musings that I hadn’t noticed Loki had stopped walking and I bumped against him, immediately scurrying back afraid I had angered him and that he would lash out, but he only gave me a confused look over his shoulder, the meager light casting eerie shadows across his face.

Loki used his magic to summon some more lights, illuminating the area and grinned at me.

When I looked past him I saw that we were standing in front of a pond of water in the midst of this cavern deep in the mountain, steam rising from its surface. The water was rippling softly and looked alluring but deadly.

“What- what is this place?” I asked him.

“A little natural spring,” he said as if it would clarify everything and he walked to the edge. With a green flash of magic his clothing was gone and he jumped into the water, turning and looking at me. “Come on, the water is warm,” he said a little restrained.

My jaw dropped and I stuttered some incohesive letters while I watched him wade into the water, tilting his head as he eyed me.

“You said you felt dirty,” he said matter of factly and shrugged before he submerged into the water.

Confusing washed over me mixed with curiosity and anger. We had been but an hours walk from a cavern that was bigger and warmer than the stupid little cave we had been stuck in and he hadn’t even mentioned it! That lying, torturous bastard!

Loki merged from the water and fixed me with a scrutinizing glare. “What has got you worked up now, Little Mortal?” he asked venomous.

“How long have you known of this place? And how much longer had you intended to let me freeze in that rotten cave instead of taking me here where it is warmer and there is a slighter change of me to turn into a popsicle!” My voice had risen to a scream, the anger and confusing taking hold of me.

Loki scoffed. “I only found this place yesterday and then the blizzard had us trapped for quite some time,” he said while he eyed me calculated. “Now are you going to stand there or get in?”

My eyes grew so wide I thought they would fall out of their sockets. I started to sputter, wanted to protest but the lure of the warm and soothing looking water deprived every word from my lips, drained my will to fight, and I resulted in sighing exhausted, no longer willing to put up a fuzz.

“Could you at least close your eyes or turn around while I undress,” I said bitterly and crossed my arms, trying to stare him down.

He barked a laugh. “Little Mortal, I’ve already seen and tasted all of you, so don’t be such a mewling quim and get in!”

His tone was a mixture of amusement and annoyance and I knew that he wouldn’t give me a single shred of privacy. With a sigh I unfolded my arms and turned my back to him and started to undress, his eyes boring in my back and raking my form while I took of my clothes, making me feel very uncomfortable.

Then I entered the water while he eyed me with a stupid grin. Oh how I wanted to punch that grin off his face but the warm water hitting my skin and relaxing my muscles soothed the anger I was feeling.

With a soft and content hum I lowered myself until my shoulders were under water and tried to drown out my fearful thoughts of what else than us might be swimming in this hot spring.

I could feel the hot water untangling my muscles, soothing and making me feel a little less dirty and I closed my eyes with a contempt sigh. This was the first time since I had been thrown on this planet I finally felt a little relaxed and less taut, and I allowed myself to wallow in the pleasure of this little treat.

It was amazing that everything that you usually took for granted could mean so much for your mind and soul when it had been torn from your grasp. I dreaded I would have to get out of the water again soon and put on my dirty clothes again.

“Loki?”

He hummed in response and I opened my eyes to look at him. He had his eyes closed, apparently enjoying this serene moment as well.

“If I put my clothes in the water to wash them, would you be willing to dry them for me with your magic?” I asked uncertain. I held my breath, my question bizarre and uncomfortable in my mind when I asked it, but more so I feared his response.

He was silent for a moment before he lazily opened one eye to look at me. “Yes.”

I let out my breath and hauled myself out of the water, sitting on the edge of the pond and grabbing my clothes, leaning forward to wash them.

As I scrubbed my clothes I noticed Loki studying me, or better said, being enthralled by my breasts bouncing as I scrubbed my clothes trying to rid them of the ice that was caked on them.

I narrowed my eyes at him and wondered how long it would take for him to stop lusting over me. Would he ever stop? The thought of that lodged a little fear into my heart because I wasn’t sure if I could keep up with that. He would surely break me eventually if he didn’t kill me with his rough handlings.

On the other hand some of the moments I had laid with him had been… pleasurable. _Very_ pleasurable and at the thought of those moments I felt a wetness pool between my legs.

Our dynamics had turned so weird over the last couple of days, from fighting and me wanting to claw his eyes out and he knocking me unconscious, to passionate love-making and cuddling in each others arms.

I had figured that he had been lonely and that that had been the reason why he had brought me to this place - however he had done that - and some days I felt bad for him, my heart clenching at the thought of him dwelling this frozen wasteland all by himself.

Every creature, no matter if they were Human or alien, needed contact with others in their lives otherwise they would go insane. Maybe that had already happened to him and I felt a sadness wash over me at the thought.

I tore myself from my thoughts and looked at Loki who was staring at me, the lust he was experiencing plain on his face but it looked like he tried to fight it.

And previous experiences had taught me that he would fail miserably at it.

I sighed as I was probably going to regret my next action and held my hand out. “Come here,” I bade him softly.

 

* * *

 

The words hadn’t even left her lips or Loki was already upon her, pushing her legs apart that were dangling over the edge in the water, his head disappearing between them and his tongue playing furiously with her sensitive bundle of nerves.

Moans fell from her lips and her hands found her way to his head, her fingers curling in his black hair. Heat coursed through her veins, the wetness between her legs pooling more and shudders ran down her spine as Loki lapped her up.

Her hand traveled from his head down to his shoulder, hair nails softly scratching at the ridges, and when he pushed two fingers inside her wet core she dug her nails in his flesh, gasps falling in ragged breaths from her lips.

She felt herself nearing her orgasm and swore under her breath, Loki’s fingers pumping in and out of her relentless, his tongue pushing and flicking her clit. When he took out his fingers out of her core she wailed at the loss which quickly turned into a scream filled with pleasure as he dipped his tongue into her wetness, playing with the sensitive spot inside her and he flicked his thumb over her clit, replacing his tongue.

She fell from her sitting position to her back, the hard floor digging into her flesh but she barely felt it. Loki’s nails scratched the inside of her thigh and then he pushed his tongue deeper inside her. With his name on her lips she toppled over the edge, her orgasm ripping through her making her ears ring and clawing at the ground beneath her.

Loki had a hard time to refrain himself from climaxing at the mere sound of her whimpers. It hadn’t been the first time he had found his high before she had and it frustrated him greatly - another trait from his Jotun form he figured.

When she had rode out her high Loki pulled her into the water without warning and she yelped at the unexpected movement. He turned her around and pushed her against the edge of the spring, the surface of the rock rough against her breasts and she felt his stiffened member press against her buttocks as Loki pushed his body flush against hers.

With one hand Loki pushed her head down on the edge, her cheek hot against the cool stone, and with his other hand he guided his tip to her warm and wet entrance. Then he pushed himself inside her, hard, a mixture of pleasure and pain ripping through her core and she whimpered.

He started to move his hips, every thrust deeper than the one before, the ridges on his shaft rubbing the spot inside her core and driving her crazy.

Loki latched himself on her neck, sucking and kissing the skin in her neck, adding to the sensation and then she felt her walls clench around him and he growled in hear ear as he plunged in the bliss of his orgasm as well.

He kept bucking his hips, his seed spilling in her and they rode out their orgasms, Loki biting and licking her neck while his hands roamed over her breasts.

When she came back to her senses again she wriggled free from his grasp and turned around to look at him. But instead of finding the eratic lust gone from his red eyes as normally was the case, she was staring in his eyes filled with an even greater hunger.

“More,” Loki growled and pushed himself against her and she could feel he was hard again.

“Loki, no, that’s been enough.” She put her hands on his chest, trying to push him away but as she had experienced before it felt like she tried to move a building. Loki only growled in response and nudged her legs apart with his knees, the water around them rippling with the movement.

She grabbed the edge of the hot spring and hoisted herself up on the edge, but Loki grabbed her by the shoulders, his nails digging into her skin, breaking skin and flesh, drawing blood, and she screamed in pain while Loki pulled her back into the water.

“No, stop!” she demanded while she pounded on his chest, but Loki didn’t stop and pushed himself inside her again.

Loki didn’t understand what was happening. The heat had made him lose control before, he knew it had been only a matter of time, but usually after his lust had been sedated he would gain control again, but that wasn’t the case this time.

And it scared him immensely.

Loki felt how his mind almost tore itself apart from his body, making him feel like he was riding a horse that had spiraled out of control and didn’t heed his call - his body didn’t heed his call no matter how hard he pulled on the reigns and told it to stop.

But the mortal kept struggling and squirming underneath him and it fueled his rage and the primal force that demanded more. In a last attempt to make himself stop he called on his Seidr, trying to gain control with his magic or at least deprive her agony, but it spiraled out of control as well, hooking on the primal lust and aiding it.

Before Loki was aware of what was happening his hand wrapped around her throat, squeezing, she gagged and clawed at his arm. He was shocked with horror as his body was actually trying to kill the woman, he could feel it! For a fleeting moment he regained control of his body and let go of her throat but his magic replaced his hand, wrapping itself around her airway.

Loki looked on in horror through his own eyes as he ravished her, the lust not depriving and plunging him in orgasm after orgasm while his magic tried to kill the woman, wrapping around her throat trying to choke the life out of her and pounding at her chest to make her heart stop.

When the primal lust finally deprived he could feel his magic relent its grip and when he came back to his senses he was holding her limp body in his arms.

Fear gripped at his heart as he lifted her out of the water and gently placed her on the edge of the spring and hoisted himself out as well. For a moment he did not dare to touch her, afraid he might hurt her again. He held no love for mortals but she didn’t deserve this. He had spiraled out of control, something of which he wasn’t sure yet was his fault or not, but he felt disgusted with himself.

Carefully he reached out and when nothing strange happened he placed his fingers on her neck, feeling her pulse which had become dangerously low. He tried to keep the terror that was feeling at bay and softly reached out for his Seidr, the magic once more in his control and he tried to heal her.

The green glow from his fingertips crept over her body, curing the bruises and cuts and Loki gently placed his fingers on her pulse again. Her heartbeat had grown stronger but it was still very slow for what it should be but there was nothing he could do anymore.

With a whisk of his magic he dried her clothes and dressed her - himself too - and took her in his arms and placed her on the single fur they had brought, trying to make her as comfortable as possible.

Loki took up residence at the entrance of this part of the cavern, their way to the outside world a much longer walk, and he stared out into the darkness.

He had gone to far, he knew it, and now there was a change she wouldn’t wake up again. It had all been his fault and even if he had lost control, their was no excuse for it and Loki felt terrible.

Never before had he lost control over his body. Never before had he lost control over his Seidr, and here he was wondering what kind of monster he had become.

He had once thought that his Jotun skin was the monster in children's stories, but now he knew it had nothing to do with the look but with the way they behaved. And he fitted all those descriptions perfectly and he loathed himself for it.

Maybe he should have let the mortal drown, but maybe he shouldn’t have brought her here in the first place.

He felt so guilty for all that he had done to her, but he also feared for her life, the mere thought of losing her squeezing his heart, not wanting to be alone again. Not wanting to be that monster who had killed her.

But most of all he felt lost. Lost on this damned realm, lost in his own body, lost in his own mind and not knowing who he was or who he should be. He would always be the God of Mischief and Trickery, and with that came traits that others might label as evil, but he didn’t want to be a monster.

Loki pulled up his knees and wrapped his arms around them, picking at his hands and staring into the darkness.

He was scared, so scared, because the one thing he could always count on had spiraled out of control as well. The one thing he thought that would always keep him safe, and if necessary kept others safe, was his magic, and he had even lost control over that!

He didn’t understand how or why that had happened but it terrified him to deep in his core. If he couldn’t count on his Seidr, then what was left of him but a monster?

The woman behind him stirred softly, a little hum but nothing more, but Loki’s heart made a leap.

She was still alive and something in him told him she would be alright.

All the fear, anger and loneliness he had been feeling bundled itself in him as he heard the woman stirr, and he felt the tears roll down his cheeks. He didn’t fight it this time, he didn’t care, and he let out the stress he had been feeling all these months in this lost world.

Something needed to change. _He_ needed to change, but he didn’t know how and that feeling of being utterly lost washed over him again.

He felt his Seidr tug at him but paid it no heed, his forehead leaning on his knees as his shoulders shook with his silent sobs. He felt a familiar prickle rush over his skin and he smiled wistful.

That was one problem less.

 

* * *

 

“How is he faring?” she asked.

“He has lost his way,” he answered somberly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments <3  
> [Follow me on Tumblr](https://starscreamloki.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this fic. Thank you all for staying with me and please leave a comment if you liked it. Don’t ask me for seconds though, I love it when you do to show how much you liked this, but this story is officially at an end.

When I came to from my dark journey I decided to keep my eyes closed, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see my surroundings and be reminded of the horror my life had become. I didn’t want to look at the man that hovered around in this rotten cave. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore but most of all I seriously doubted if I still wanted to live.

Flashes of what had happened crossed in front of my mind’s eye, the feelings they evoked making me shudder and I felt the tell-tale prickle in my eyes.

Those red eyes that had fixed itself on me, their intent filled with malice and pure evilness, were still burned on my retina.

I curled myself into a ball trying to make myself as small and meaningless as possible. I didn’t feel any pain, at least not physical, but I felt mentally deprived, used and utterly shattered. Where had it gone wrong? What had I done wrong that had made him ravish me so bad? Almost kill me?

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I could still feel the ghost of his grip around my throat, trying to choke the life out of me, and some other force that had been trying to squeeze my heart to mush. I shivered as I relived the memory.

Had I been wrong by willingly inviting him to engage in pleasure again? Had I been wrong in denying him after that first time? Was it something I had done? The questions made me feel disgusted and miserable but a voice in the back of my head screamed that none of it had been my fault but it left a sour taste in my mouth.

I was scared. So scared! But I knew I couldn’t stay curled up in a ball sobbing for the rest of my life. Couldn’t I? The option was very appealing. No more fighting, no more pain - I hoped - and just lying there until death would take me. But a little fire deep within my belly stirred, grew as I thought that I wouldn’t succumb to this, that I wouldn’t spiral into that darkness, but that darkness was so tempting, so alluring. So much easier!

I felt the fire within my belly grow more demanding. Easier? Had I ever been one to take the easy way out? Was I the one who would stop fighting no matter how difficult things became? Oh, how I wanted to! How I wanted to give up but that little fire fought back, vicious and relentless, and my tears of sadness and defeat turned to tears of anger.

Loki had no excuse for what he had done to me! None at all! And it definitely hadn’t been my fault but his! And for once, just for once, I would like to hear an explanation from him!

But I doubted I was going to get it.

Captivators don’t talk to their victims to let them know why they did what they did. They didn’t tell you what they were going to do with or to you - well, maybe some just to feed your fears - but I had already concluded Loki wasn’t that type of person. He didn’t want to talk and he probably never would.

What had happened to him that made him so bitter? What had happened that he viewed the entire world, no, Universe as his enemy? Was it a natural trait of his being? This alien he was? Or had something else crossed his path and destroyed every little piece of good in him? Because I was sure that every creature in the Universe, no matter how small or big, was born with the ability of choice. And with that choice comes the possibility to make decisions for good or evil. But I also believed that for one to make the right decisions one would be shaped by its environment, and I wondered what had hurt him so deeply, scarred him so much, that he had made those choices.

But he would never tell me. He wouldn’t want to share his story as I had asked him so many times before to do, and thus I would never understand him. At that thought I felt a sadness wash over me. He had put up his walls so high that even someone who was prepared to listen, to hear his story, couldn’t get in. And it probably wouldn’t matter if that person loved him or not - which I really didn’t - or even if he could spill all his words and just as easy take the life of the listener I figured it still wouldn’t matter.

My life.

It was only now I noticed that I had stopped crying, the silent tears that had run down my cheeks still salty on my skin.

I sighed softly and opened my eyes. It took a couple of moments before the world came into focus again and I moved my head to seek out my captivator. When I found him my eyes widened in shock and a little gasp tumbled of my lips before I could catch it.

I squinted my eyes to focus, making sure my eyes didn’t betray me. Instead of a blue alien a human-looking man sat by the entrance of the cave, his form hunched as his chin rested on his knees, his eyes which were no longer red staring at the wall and looking as if he wasn’t aware of the world around him, but his skin unmistakably pale and human and the ridges were gone too.

It took me some time to recover from my shock. It was unmistakably Loki, his leather attire the same as the alien had worn, his raven black hair such a perfect match to the blue creature it couldn’t be coincidence.

“Loki?” I squealed softly, my vocal cords straining with the effort after the violence it had endured, not only from the choking but from my crying and angry bile as well.

His head perked up and he looked me straight in the eye. “You’re awake,” he breathed, his eyes big as if he never had expected me to say his name again.

I stared at him as a thick and ominous silence hung between us. I could sense he wanted to say a million things. _I_ wanted to say a million things, but neither of us could find our voice and I saw his expression harden again, the one moment that I would have had to talk to him wasted.

I felt the angry bile in the back of my throat rise again. No! He would not shut me out. I wanted answers. I demanded an answer from him, if only it would be one!

I needed an answer.

But from all the questions that ran through my mind I couldn’t pick one, my thoughts racing through my head and the threshold that should’ve kept them back was deprived completely by the utter need of answers. “What happened? Why are you no longer blue? Why did you do that? You almost killed me you know! Why do you suddenly look like a human? Why didn’t you stop when I told you to? Why-”

Loki held up a hand and the anger that flared in his eyes made me stop my barrage of questions and clap my mouth shut.

“Does it matter?” he asked brisk. “You are alive and you should be happy for that.”

My mind went in overdrive and rage took hold of me. I started to stutter, momentarily lost for words at his cold response. I could feel the scowl form on my face and I sat up straight, my shoulders squared, no longer willing to be the little girl he thought I was. “Does it matter?” I spat. “Does it matter!” I shook my head with disbelief, the fire in my belly roaring to life. “Of course it matters!” I shouted at him. “ _You_ have destroyed my life. _You_ have taken everything from me. You used me, abused me. Raped me! And now you dare to adone it as if nothing happened, as if it doesn’t matter?”

I rose to my feet and started to walk to him. My form may be petite compared to him but I was pretty sure the anger that surrounded me made up for that. “I’ve been here for weeks by your side, suffering, alone, lost, in pain, and you care naught! I don’t know where I am, what you are going to do to me, if you will kill me or what your purpose with me is whatsoever.”

I was in front of him now, trying to tower over him as he looked me in the eye, his jaw set tight, a dangerous look in his eyes but he made no indication he was going to move.

“You just seem to be a slave to your own whims and lustful desires and now you are here in front of me all looking human and I swear I saw a fleeting moment of guilt in your eyes. You can not lie to me and tell me you haven’t been crying because the redness of your eyes betrays you!” I leaned forward, my face a scowl and my teeth bared.

His eyes flared dangerously and I could see that he tried to restrain himself from lashing out. I briefly wondered why because he had never restrained himself before and now he suddenly tried what? To show remorse? Compasion?

“So yes, it does matter and the least you could do is explain it to me,” I spat at him. “You at least owe me that much!”

Before I was aware his hand shot forward and he grabbed my jaw, his fingers digging into my cheeks and he pulled my face closer to his. I had to struggle to keep my feet under me and not fall on him as he hissed in my face. “I _owe_ you nothing. If it hadn’t been for me you’d be dead,” and he roughly let go of my face.

I straightened my back while his words rang in my ears and tore my soul apart like a vicious beast. But I was too exhausted to hold on to my anger, or to any emotion for that matter, and I answered him bitterly but emotionless. “You’re a monster!”

I saw the reigns he had been holding to keep himself in check snap. Loki sprang to his feet, his fingers curled around my throat and with a few quick steps he backed me up against the wall, a snarl on his face and his eyes - which I only now noted were green - a promise of death in them.

The hard rock bit in my back but I remained calm and didn’t make a move, to paralyzed by fear but also numbstruck with the hollow feeling in my chest. I saw him search my eyes, a war of emotions crossing on his face and right before me eyes I saw his green orbs starting to glisten with tears.

Without anger or sadness but just with plain exhaustion I spoke, my voice calm and warm. “I want to go home.”

For a moment he only stared at me and I could sense him ticking off the options on how to react to that in his head. But when he answered me I felt my heart clench; his tone so riddled with pain, fear and even long lost memories, it made my heart bleed.

“So do I.”

He let go of my throat and he looked down, taking a little step back and picking at his hands. I reached out, placed my hand on his face and cherished his cheek with my thumb. He looked at me, his eyes wide with fear, his breathing heavy in anxiety. I couldn’t start to phantom what had wrought this reaction from him, nor did I understand why I suddenly felt like I cared, but in this moment this alien creature looked smaller and more vulnerable than I had ever felt.

“Tell me,” I whispered softly, inviting him to let me in, to show that I cared and wanted to understand, and I saw his walls crumble in front of my eyes.

He took a few staggering steps backward and turned his back to me, his hands clenched fists at his side. “You wouldn’t understand,” he whispered softly.

“Try me.”

 

* * *

 

Loki had sat down against the wall and had shared his story with her. Well, some of it, he had left out a lot of things she didn’t need to know, and she had listened breathlessly without interrupting him, occasionally humming for him to continue or gasping in shock.

When he had mentioned New York she had sought her memory but all she remembered from that fateful day were those weird creatures that had rained from the sky and not Loki.

Loki didn’t know why he suddenly wanted to share parts of his story with the little mortal, but it felt good to share it with someone. Someone finally listened and didn’t interrupt or scold him for the things he said or had done.

When he stopped talking he carefully looked at her. She was looking down at her lap and looked at him from under her eyebrows. “Why did you do it?” she whispered.

Loki gave her a brief confused look and he doubted what she exactly meant with her question. “D-did what?” he stuttered uncertain.

“What you just did. You know…” she looked down again, a little red blush on her face.

Loki sighed when he caught on. “I-” he started and a lump formed itself in his throat. “I lost control,” he said hesitantly. “I couldn’t stop. I could only look in horror as- as I-” The lump in his throat prevented him from talking, the guilt and disgust with himself still making his eyes burn with the sting of tears.

“You lost control?” she asked incredulous and gave him a angry look. “That is the most stupid excuse I have ever heard,” she said bitterly. “You could have stopped when I told you to.”

Loki gave her an angry look and briefly licked his lips. It was one of those rare occasions where he told the truth even though every fiber in his body screamed to lie, and here he was again, she didn’t believe him. It only confirmed the endless circle of his life, nobody believed him even if he spoke truthfully and the harsh reality of that was shoved in his face once again and he remember why he hadn’t tried to explain himself to anyone after his attack on New York.

Loki gave her an angry look. “It is the truth,” he bit at her.

She narrowed her eyes and gave him a scrutinizing glare. “Can you prove it?” she asked coldly.

Loki’s eyes widened in anger. Of course she wanted proof! They always wanted proof when he had none, if for once someone would just believe him he might feel less of a monster. But then again he might have lied so much in his life that it was only logical nobody ever believed him.

The woman looked at him as anger flared in the God’s eyes but she caught the unmistakable pang of pain that briefly crossed his features. She saw how Loki put his walls back in place, shutting her out after their conversation where he had finally opened up, and she felt a little guilty.

He had tried to tell the truth but she wouldn’t have it. That wasn’t a surprise because he was the God of Lies after all, or so he had told her, and her scarce knowledge of Norse Mythology affirmed that.

Her jaw pulled taut with anger and dismay and she milled over his words. There were no excuses for what he had done, and whatever reason he flung at her wouldn’t make it right, but there was one thing that she was still waiting for for him to say; she wanted an apology! But she doubted she would get it and thus she didn’t speak, both of them sitting in silence for some time.

But the fact that he didn't say anything anymore, that he had put up his walls again, angered her. She whipped her head up from her downward glance. “You are not even sorry, are you?” she asked bitter.

Loki fixed her with an angry glare. “I never said that,” he snapped at her, his violent reaction showing she had struck a chord.

“Then apologizing to me is the least you could do,” she muttered under her breath not even trying to hide her anger.

Loki looked at her emotionless and then forced his apology through gritted teeth. It wasn't that he wasn't sorry for what he had done, on the contrary, but he hated that this meager mortal was demanding this from him, forcing him to say the words. He didn't like to be told what to do, he had suffered that oppression enough in his life, and he wouldn't have it from this mortal either.

She huffed. “That wasn’t much of an apology,” she muttered under her breath again more to herself than to him and then pressed her lips together wanting to take the words back. It wasn’t because she had spoken untruthfully but she was afraid Loki would lash out at her, which he did.

“What more do you want, Mortal?” he asked venomously. “I said sorry, take it or leave it!”

This time Loki hit a chord within her and her anger made her shout at him, which she regretted straight away when she caught the dark gleam in his eyes. “You could at least say it like mean it! If you spiraled out of control like you said, and you really _do_ feel guilty, at least say it like you mean it!”

Loki’s nostrils flared and his brows furrowed, his face contorting into a scowl and she cringed. But he didn’t make a move, just sat there staring at her, his thoughts running through his mind.

She figured this was probably as good as she was going to get from him and she sighed, breathing her anger out and noticed Loki was fidgeting with his hands. Something in those gestures softened her heart a little. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked calmly with a small voice.

“Why should I? You were nothing more than a weak mortal in my eyes. You still are,” he muttered under his breath while looking at his hands which seemed to have a life of their own as he picked at them.

“You hurt me. You hurt me a lot and you of all people-” her voice trailed. “After all you told me, after all the rejection and pain I could hear between your words, even though you didn’t voice them, you-” she choked upon the words, not even knowing where she was going but Loki got the point.

The angry scowl on his face deflated and was replaced by a look of remorse. He looked up at her carefully, his expression as if someone had just whipped him, making him look small. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. A single tear rolled down Loki’s cheek, he didn’t knew where it suddenly came from, but he was sorry and he felt an immense remorse for what he had done.

Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets because this time he meant his apology, she heard it in his tone, she could sense it!

She got to her feet, walked over to him and slumped to the ground next to him.

Loki eyed her with big eyes, almost fearful as what she would do even if he didn’t have a reason to fear her because he could kill the mortal with a snap of his fingers if he wanted to. But he felt vulnerable and he hated that.

Carefully she reached her hand out to him, pinking the tear on his cheek away and she cherished his cheek with her hand. “I will not forget,” she said softly, “but I forgive you.” Her hand found its way to his hair and she softly stroked his head.

Her forgiveness was the least he had expected and her gesture, so warm and loving, melted the anger he felt towards himself away. He leaned in to her touch, she accepted and Loki broke.

Hot tears spilled down his cheeks and with her hand she guided his head towards her shoulder where he buried his head, the violent sobs making his shoulders shake.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I thought I’d killed you. I never meant to hurt you it’s just that- I couldn’t control it. I don’t understand.”

“Sssh,” she cooed as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, rocking him softly in her arms trying to calm him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Loki’s words almost became a chant, repeating them over and over again.

There they sat, Loki in her arms reduced to a sobbing mess while she tried to calm him and forgive him. The last person in the world who should forgive him showing him such a kind heart that he couldn’t comprehend.

And despite the fact that he didn’t want to be here anymore - just like her - something in him changed.

He finally didn’t feel lonely anymore.

 

* * *

 

“How is he faring?” she asked while nervously picking at her hands, looking down at them.

“She helped him find his way,” he spoke balanced.

She looked up and fixed him with a hard glare. “Then bring him back!” Frigga demanded the gatekeeper.

 

* * *

 

Days had gone by since the weird portal had opened and had brought us to Asgard. For the first time since weeks we had a proper meal and the juice of an apple had never tasted sweeter.

Loki’s attitude towards me had changed. He was nicer, less angry and above all, no longer the blue alien who had abducted me. But even though I started to love him my heart still longed for home. I often asked him when he would bring me back, but he never answered that question and brushed it off as if it wasn’t important.

But you know what they say, a tiger never loses his stripes no matter how hard you tamed it - or something like that? - and the same did go for Loki as he eventually fell back into his old ways, his demeanor harsh, his words angry and his walls higher than ever.

And thus we argued, we fought, nasty words were spoken and in the end the monster from those first days I met him turned up again and he hit me.

I placed my hand on my burning cheek, my eyes wide with shock and I looked at him incredulous.

Loki only stared me down, his jaw set tight, his form hovering over mine and I knew he wouldn’t relent if I pushed him further.

“Monster!” I spat at him. “You’re a monster! Even after all we’ve been through, even after I forgave you time and again, you still treat me like I’m scum!”

I caught the red glimpse that flared in his eyes and he bared my teeth. “Shut up,” he hissed between clenched teeth but I would not stand down.

“No! Is this all I’m good for? To stay here in your chambers, locked up until you need me for you wicked games, to vent frustration and use my body? Is that all I’m good for?”

“I told you to be silent,” he hissed, his face close to mine and I could feel his hand close around my throat.

“No! Why don’t I get a say in the matter? For once you could do what I want after all you’ve put me through, what I had to-”

He cut of my words as he tightened his grip on my throat, almost sealing of my airway completely and I struggled and clawed to get out of his grasp, my breath coming in wheezing gasps as I fought for air.

He leaned in closer, our noses touching. “You have nothing to say and nothing to want!” he yelled in my face. “You are a meager mortal and you will listen to me or I’ll kill you!”

My heart dropped in my stomach as I looked in his angry green eyes and I realised he would never let me go and that I would never see my home again. I would forever be stuck by his side, submitted to his whims whatever they might be, and I would never see my friends and family again.

I felt my eyes harden and the color drain from them at the realisation. With all the calm I could muster while still struggling for air I spoke, “then kill me.”

Loki’s face screwed up in confusing in front of my eyes and his grip loosened a little and I took in deep gulps of air. “If this is what the rest of my life will look like then I don’t want it,” I said sharply. “Kill me!” I yelled desperate. “Do it you monster!” and I slapped him in the face, hoping I would evoke his anger so much he would indeed kill me.

I saw the confusing in him wash away in front of my eyes and get replaced by a look of utter malice and evilness, sending shivers of fright down my spine.

“I’m not going to kill you,” he said in a raspy voice as he leaned in to speak directly in my ear. “Not now, not ever!”

I felt my heart shatter with his words, the remnants ripping through my soul as I knew he meant every word. He would never let me go and I felt a coldness replace the emptiness in my chest, my will to live completely deprived.

His face came into view, an evil and heartless smile plastered across his face. “You belong to me, and I will give you something to remind you by every single day of your miserable life!”

His hand around my throat flared green with his magic and I felt a burning sensation crawl across my skin where his hand was. I screamed in agony, trying to claw at his hand to remove it from my burning flesh.

When he let me go I slumped to the floor, my hand immediately going to my throat where I could feel something cold and metal clasping around my neck.

Panicking I scrambled to my feet and ran to the mirror, the fear of not knowing what he had done to me, what he had placed upon me, spurring me to want to face my doom with my own eyes.

There I saw the golden collar that adorned my neck, some intercrate patterns that I figured were runes edged in the metal. The thing had no clasp or beginning or ending, so I could never take it off. Just one band of metal forever wrapped around my flesh.

Loki suddenly appeared behind me, his hand softly stroking my hair as he looked at my reflection - _our_ reflection as he maliciously whispered in my ear. “You are forever mine and you will never leave!”

My knees buckled and I sank to the floor.

I would forever be his slave and no matter how many times I would forgive him, no matter how many times I would try to warm his cold hard with words of love, he would never love me and he would use me until the end of my days.

Forever marked as his.

My dead heart in his cold blooded hands.

And I knew that even that I would forgive him.

 

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments <3  
> [Follow me on Tumblr](https://starscreamloki.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> [I thrive on coffee](https://ko-fi.com/starscreamloki)


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